Princess Sparkle Pants Rocks The Blog

Moving Day!!!

2009-02-17T22:26:00.001-05:00

Please find me at www.princesssparklepants.com

PLEASE find me. Else I will be missing you!!!

Happy Days, though Bittersweet...

2009-02-16T22:48:00.004-05:00

I enjoyed my extra day off. My kids weren't around, and I went out to eat with my mother-in-law/sister-like-figure/friend Kim. I took my wedding rings to be made biggerer so that I can start to wear them again (since I haven't for the last few months). I finished a project (pictures below), a quilt for Pumpkinhead that is a track on one side, where he can play with his trucks or twains, or whatever, the other side being a soft flannel choo choo twain material. It makes him happy.

I watched all the Tivo'ed episodes of Jeopardy, and I got to watch one episode of "The Secret Life of the American Teen" (shut up) - so far, and I did about four loads of laundry.

On an unhappier note, Husband's great-grandmother was put on a breathing machine and a feeding tube this morning. This afternoon, based on her Living Will and her mental coherance and desire, they set about lowering the oxygen and removing the feeding tube. She won't live long, I fear, but she's had a good, long life. It is her Husband we buried last summer... it's always hard, and there's the whole trip-to-Ohio-for-the-funeral to deal with, but... the one good thing is, it's kind of wonderful when the whole, giant family gathers together in the back of the funeral home... it's just pretty good, though for a sad reason.

Anyway, here are pictures... I love the one where he was macking for the camera...

It's gonna be real, baby...

2009-02-16T00:07:00.002-05:00

Sorry, yes I did just quote Mandy Moore. Ask me to, and I will sing it for you.

Soooo. I bought a domain and some other internetshit, so pretty soon, we will all be moving (sniff sniff) to a whole new deal, but not yet because my webmaster* hasn't gotten it all set up for me.

Webmaster. Hah! Like I am the real deal.

I have nothing else to talk about. Pumpkinhead and I went to the park. Husband and I went to WalMart. I bought shit. He did, too. It was good shit, though, resulting in a clean sewing room**, which makes a nice change. I've got about six projects left, but am halfway through one of them, and hopefully, I will have pictures for you in the next few days.

Soooo, because I love old people with powdered wigs, I'm off tomorrow, but I'm still tired and headed for bed. peace out.

*Webmaster=Beanie. There IS a lot to be said about having a supernerd kid who is willing to do shit for you for free.

**Sewing room=Dining-portion-of-the-kitchen. But, someday, that will all change. Ahhh, someday...

Sweetness and light, with pretend ice cream

2009-02-14T20:05:00.003-05:00

This morning, Beanie and Pumpkinhead and I went shopping. We had presents to buy - Beanie has a girlfriend, you know.

We bought flowers and a teddy bear for her, and then he bought another bouquet of flowers to deliver to his "granny", an old lady at the church that he loves. We brought them to her, I think she nearly cried.

He had run inside the Walgreen's, to get the bear... he came back out with the bear and a little box of chocolates. He got into the car, thrust the chocolates at me and said, "Happy Valentine's Day!".

Awwwww.

Pumpkinhead and Beanie also sent flowers to their grandmothers today, I think they are happy. Kim didn't actually realize who they were from, not yet, because hers haven't gotten to her yet, but I think she's pleased. My mom called me, after a half a bottle of wine*, and she seemed very happy.

Beanie is on a date with The Girl, so Husband and I cooked some steaks and some potatoes and broccoli. We just finished eating so much that we are both a little nauseated, but it was outstanding.

Pumpkinhead is running around, pretending his drill table is an ice cream machine and making us pretend ice cream cones. It is super-cute, except that we are both on the verge of passing out with the fullness and even pretending to eat ice cream is tough.

It's a wonderful, wonderful day.

Happy love day, everybody!

*this is where I get this behavior. I come by it naturally.

Also?

2009-02-14T00:51:00.001-05:00

Care packages from one's mother, that arrive on Valentine's-Day-Eve and contain cookies and candy and coloring books are SO SO SO good.

Thanks, Mom. I love you!

(someone should tell my mom I just wrote that because she doesn't read stuff with this many 'eff words'. Kthanksbai.)

He's such a romantic!!!

2009-02-13T15:31:00.004-05:00

They blocked blogger from my work. they so totally suck it. This whole dynamic is going to change, now, since I have to do this on MY time instead of THEIRS. Dammit.

But today, today is so good. Look what he sent:

The balloon sings every time you touch it (or nudge it, or breathe on it, or brush it against something or think about it, or drive over a bump if it is in your car) - sings "You're still the one", and it's so, so, so cute.

I love him.

I really do have the best Valentine.

And, Ta DA!!!

2009-02-11T20:46:00.002-05:00

I just had to show you what the finished product looks like. She's going to like it a lot. I do good work.

Also, she loves dogs and cats.

2009-02-11T11:29:00.003-05:00

I have a female Louisiana relative that wants a gay. A gay guy.

You see, she doesn't have a lot of girl friends, and she's not very girly. But she's awesome and smart, she loves Kathy Griffin and Ellen and the Oscars. She is in love with Madonna.

At Christmas, we talked about this problem (she started by saying she wants more girl friends), and she admitted that she really wants a GFF (gay friend forever). Like mine. I suggested that she ought to option this to Fox as a reality show. She could post an add on Craigslist and we could have an interview process to get rid of the crazies.

Listen, gays: she's pretty, she's smart, and she has excellent money management skills. She will do your taxes for you. In return, she will expect you to be willing to drink her vodka-based infusion drinks, enjoy the Oscars at a party (which may include costumes - be prepared), be willing to go to Vegas, attend more than one Madonna concert in a year. She will expect you to be smart and able to keep up with her (mentally as well as physically - this one is a fast walker). She will want you to be clever, but also be fun. She is good company when it comes to both Karaoke bars as well as the watching of American Idol. She reads the New Yorker.

To apply, please leave a comment. I don't think she's called Ryan Seacrest yet, so don't expect TV time just yet. But, I think that's likely to come.

Also, if you are MY GFF? Don't apply. I'm not sharing.

Projects Update.

2009-02-11T10:21:00.004-05:00

So. I have been working on catching up on my projects list. Last night I made Beanie's pillowcase - he picked out the fabric and specifically requested it. I'm not sure pictures show very well, but here's what it looks like. There is a mad cool herringbone stitch trim, but you can't really tell:

After I finished the pillowcase, which took all of ten minutes, I started working on the baby quilt for Little C. His room is all sports-themed, so the topper fits that mode. I am not done with it, but I'm about half through piecing the top, and it's sooo cute, and I didn't use a pattern (!) so I'm a little extra proud:

The back is white SUPER SOFT flannel with baseball gloves and balls and bats. SOOOO cute. I'm going to keep the quilting simple, but probably do it in navy thread. How great at this am I becoming???

Pretty soon, I'm going to start taking orders (yeah, right!)...

Is it psycho that I love doing the sewing so much? You know how they say you should find something you love and turn it into your job? Could I make money doing this???

Two things.

2009-02-10T13:50:00.000-05:00

1. I got a double-fortune-cookie with my lunch (yes, Chinese). Fortune one read: "Now is the time to try something new." Fortune two read: "You have a charming way with words and should write a book."

Well, duh.

2. I have these post-its that are remarkably cute and bear my name on them, and I have them for "special" post-it occasions. That is to say, rare ones. Usually I use pink or orange or whatever (though never yellow).

Frenemy Snooz came over here to see me a bit ago, and wrote me a note. When I saw it, I said, out loud, "DON'T USE MY SPECIAL POST-ITS". Note that, if you work near me.

SOOO much a better day

2009-02-10T09:39:00.003-05:00

This morning, I was in the work parking lot by 8:30. However, I was listening to a pretty good audiobook, so it took me 20 minutes to do my make up. Shut up.

Long Duck got here 10 minutes after my 1:1 was to start; I suggested we go get coffee, so that took another 10 minutes, during which I rattled off all the info I had for him. He has back-to-back meetings for the rest of the day, so I'm free and clear.

However, in 20 minutes, I'm to meet with my little admin to give her some feedback and to help her set her objectives for 2009. Gulp. I have some negative feedback for her; some of it is mine, but most of it comes from her management team. Of course, I get to be the "bad guy" who gives her the negatives. "It will be nicer, less scary for her, if you do it," they said. Suckers.

I hate to tell her that she's digging a grave. Unfortunately, she's not me... and they would really like for her to be me. At least at some point. It's not that she's awful, she just is missing that sham-wow factor, where you make judgement calls and leaps of faith. I think that it is mostly due to the Fear Factor. I think she's scared of the bossy people, instead of trying to make them fear HER wrath, which is what I do.

Oooh- off topic, but Janie reminded me that we used to call my mom, the wrath of Cathy, or even the international wrath of Cathy, which is also something to be feared. I guess that's where I get it from.

Otherwise, there's not much else to talk about. We did another jigsaw puzzle this weekend - shut up, it's fun - and Husband bought some of that glue crap you put on them to keep them, even though this particular puzzle is not one we want to hang on our wall or anything. We just wanted to see how that stuff works. It's glue. It sticks stuff together.

I have seventy-thousand-four projects to work on, so the puzzle needs to remove itself from the kitchen table (aka, the sewing room). Here's a picture of Little C., the newest baby in my life, who needs his quilt made, stat! Say it with me now: "awwwwwwww..."

All I can say is, "Cracklin' Rosie" is playing, and thank God for that...

2009-02-09T11:35:00.001-05:00

I'm tirrrrred. As you know, I took too long of a nap yesterday, rendering me incapable of sleep until 4amish. That's balls.

So here I am, struggling to pretend that I give a shit, and...

it's going to be a long day.

I announced a little while ago that the only cure for what ails me is Neil Diamond, and I meant it. Not too long after that, I said, out loud, "I love you, Neil Diamond."

I finished the puzzle, though.

Did I tell you? I have seventy-two-hundred projects I am working on right now?

I can't talk about it right now. I'm too tirrred.

Water and coffee. Mainlined, please. Stat.

Oh- blood drive at work coming up. Guess who WILL NOT be donating blood? But I plan to "work it".

Parenting: Epic Fail

2009-02-08T22:11:00.002-05:00

As I write this, it is 10:12 pm. Both of my children are awake, and it is all my fault.

This afternoon, we threw that baby into his bed for his Sunday nap. Husband fell asleep on the couch. I fell asleep in my bed. On the same floor as the baby. At around 3pm. Baby had been asleep for about a half hour.

At 8:15pm, I woke up to Husband's voice. I thought I was late for work.

He had just awakened. The baby played in his bed for hours, after his nap. He didn't wake us up. Neither of us.

My poor, little, sweet, neglected baby was in the bed for 5 hours, during which he probably slept two. What kind of shitty mother AM I?

Note: Please don't call DFACS on me, if he had cried, I really would have heard him. I'm not kidding. Also, I love my children and they are well cared for. This is NOT the place for hate-mail.

Names.

2009-02-08T22:04:00.002-05:00

TJ did this, and it sounded fun, so I thought I would, too...

1. YOUR REAL NAME: Princess Sparklepants. Duh.
2. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME:(mother and fathers middle names) Jo D'Aiuto (Aunt Scary SWEARS it is Josephine. I've never been quite sure.)
3. NASCAR NAME:(first name of your mother's dad, father's dad) Harry Raymond
4. STAR WARS NAME:(first three letters of your last name, first three of your first name) Spapri
5. DETECTIVE NAME:(favorite color, favorite animal) Pink Giraffe
6. SOAP OPERA NAME:(middle name, town where you were born) Sparkle Batonrouge
7. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning) The Red Coffee
8. FLY NAME:(first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name) prnts
9. STREET NAME:(fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie) Chocolate EL Fudge
10. ROCK STAR NAME:(current pets name, current street name) Priscilla Smith
11. PORN NAME: (1st pet, street you grew up on) Flo Woodbine
12. YOUR GANGSTA NAME:(first 3 letters of real name plus izzle) prizzle
13. YOUR GOTH NAME:(black, and the name of one of your pets) Black Charlie
14. STRIPPER NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav. candy) Eternity Jellybeans.

Taxes bite

2009-02-07T15:14:00.000-05:00

that's all I have to say about that.

Welcome, Little C!!!

2009-02-06T19:42:00.001-05:00

Little C is born! I am guessing he was born around 7pm, weighing in at 6 lbs and some change. I haven't gotten the details, or my pictures (dammit!) yet, but...

I get to go and see and hold and smooch on him tomorrow!!!!

Congratulations Little A and J!!!

John is Teh Balls

2009-02-06T08:39:00.003-05:00

One of my best friends-at-work, Little A, is very, very pregnant. She was planning to work right up to delivery, but I told her she needed to at least work from home. I'm pretty sure I will puke if water breaks anywhere near me. Even my own.

She started working from home this week. I got a text message this morning, saying that her water broke early today, so he ought to be here soon! I'm so stoked, I can't even talk about it. I love babies.

-----

One of my bosses, who we will call John (since that is his name) and I made about 70 labels on the label printer last night. Each of them simply says, "John is Teh Balls". Our intention is to place them randomly around the office, just enough to freak people out. Like, under the extra roll of toilet paper in the bathroom. At the bottom of the printer tray in the big copier. All the hell over another worker's desk, and hopefully, nobody will be able to find goo-gone. This was most assuredly the highlight of my day at work, yesterday.

I did keep one for myself, but I hung in a place where you really cannot see it unless you are sitting at my desk. I'm pretty sure I will not get fired for that.

HeNameCalvin, do you remember him? He's that insanely loud co-worker. Anyway, he has a blog, a blog which I googled until I found it, but I can't link to it because I don't want him to read this. Anywayz, I made up a google ID - Ura Doushbeg - and spammed his blog with comments that just say "John is Teh Balls". That was the second highlight of my day.

If I could find a way to work "John is Teh Balls" into my Clarity email today, I so would. I can't though - that's pushing it.

-----

Long Duck is mercifully in New York City this week, and has lots of Big Meetings next week, so I'm getting off with very little interaction. He's doing my year-end review on Friday, but I'm not really freaked out about it (yet). I know that I have either a 1, 2, or a 3. I don't expect a 1, but I think a 2 is very possible - perhaps even probable, so that's all good. I hate to grudgingly admit this, but I am starting to enjoy that guy. He's not a TERRIBLE boss, though he might not be the greatest manager in the world. He's actually pretty good to me...

-----

I have Quilt class with Janie and Simply Unpredictable tomorrow. After which, we are going to go and file our taxes. We are so awesomely exciting.

Happy weekend. John is Teh Balls!

Fluffy Bunny Happy People (with big giant boobs, I guess...)

2009-02-05T09:43:00.002-05:00

I love personality tests.

I have completed Myers-Briggs a good seven dozen times. Also, DISC test, but we aren't going to go into that right now, nor are we going to talk about the time Husband proved that he could sway that test, that test which is supposed to be un-swayable. But, I digress.

Long Duck's Myers-Briggs score was revealed to me, today, and so I shall share it here, with you: INTP - with a very high "T".

That means he is a quiet, anti-social smart dude. Seriously. His career fits include: Physicists, chemists, biologists, photographers, strategic planners, mathematicians, university professors, computer programmers, computer animators, technical writers, engineers, lawyers, forensic researchers, writers, artists, psychologists, social scientists, systems analysts, researchers, surveyors. Highly analytical, they can discover connections between two seemingly unrelated things, and work best when allowed to use their imagination and critical thinking. (according to this website).

Me, I'm either an ENFP, which is the most fluffiest happy bunny personality in the whole world, or else I am, occasionally an ESFP, which is the second most fluffy happy bunny personality. I would seem to be a bit wishy-washy with the intuition v. sensing thing.

But I just wanted to mention appropriate careers (same website) for my type:

ESFP - Actors, painters, comedians, adult entertainers, sales representatives, teachers, counselers, social workers, child care, fashion designers, interior decorators, consultants, photographers, musicians, human resources managers, clerical supervisors, coaches, factory supervisors, food service workers, receptionists, recreation workers, religious educators, respiratory therapists.. Optimistic and fun-loving, their enthusiasm is great for motivating others.

QUOI? ADULT ENTERTAINERS???

A possibility...

2009-02-04T11:36:00.000-05:00

My youngest has shown some interest in the potty.

He's spent the last hour or so sitting on it, sans pants, and watching DVDs on his portable player.

He's already gotten a sticker on his chart.

We may have a break-through today. Not to get anybody's hopes up, or anything, but...

(cross fingers, say prayers, bribes, etc...)

Meh. Brr. Whatevs.

2009-02-04T09:19:00.002-05:00

It's 9:15 in the morning. I've been awake for about two hours, and I have saved the boss-man (and therefore, the company) a wonking $60, that took about an hour away from my life. Have you ever thought about how much an hour of your life is worth? Mine was just shown to me. That's all good, I got to talk to not one, but TWO New Yorkers in the process, and they were very polite.

Meanwhile, I have watched the temperature climb from 14 (HOLYSHITTHATISRIDICULOUS) to 20 (ISTILLREFUSETOEXITMYHOUSE). RIDICULOUS. I kept the baby home, I know it is against the rules, but did you not just see the temperatures??? I will be DAMNED if I am going to go outside in that until I absolutely HAVE to.

Which I do, this afternoon, to take the big one to the orthodontist, but still.

I've eaten a bowl of "pop pop cereal", which is rice krispies, and I've saved $60. Beat THAT.

Tiny little bites of snow are swirling around; it is very sunny, so I have no idea where they are coming from, but they are cute. And un-intimidating. I have no hopes of being able to make a snow man, but it would be cool if it would at least turn the world white today. Not to be racist, but it would be nice to live in a white world for one day, at least.

For the record, I am no longer mad at him, but he still has not conceded that it was the REAL MacGuyver. He has, however, apologized for making me angry. Whatevs, that's good enough for me. He also cooked me dinner.

Oh- we haven't talked about this yet, but didn't you think Jennifer Hudson did a phenomenal job? I mean, seriously??? I think she was awesome.

Waffles with a side of weird, extra bacon, hold the pickles, please

2009-02-03T09:29:00.002-05:00

This morning, I had a 1:1 with my boss. This, in itself, is not unusual. Unusual is when, when I go into his office, and sit down on his little swivelly "guest chairs", he says, "let's sit over here," - indicating the conference table, "the guest chairs are ugly."

?

So we go over to the conference table, where I have to squint because the sun pours in on my face, and he doesn't consider lowering the blinds. Mid-sentence, he says, "What's that? Do you see that?" and he points to a black box-shaped thing on the edge of the building, outside. "I have no idea," I say. "Maybe it is some kind of vent or something."

"Maybe it's a bomb!", he says.

?

Not long after this, he tells me that I need to figure out what to do to make people like him. And their jobs, but also him. And that I need to light a fire under my little Admin to get her to be faster and more efficient.

Then he offers up a reference to The Office, and pretty much, at that point?

I am done.

Today has started out extremely weird. In a fun way, though, I must say.

One more thing? Feather is NOT dorky now. She may have been a teensy bit in 8th grade, but we all were. And now she is lovely. And technically, she was lovely then, too. I just needed to clarify.

Stupid Phil

2009-02-02T11:48:00.002-05:00

In Gawgia, we have our own groundhog. HE didn't see his shadow. So I'm all, boo-to-the-yah, with the upcoming Spring. Then that stupid yankee Phil had to go and ruin everything. I have a tendency to listen to him over Beauregard (I shit you not). Dammit. Stupid winter.

AND THEN, it was supposed to Big Snow tonight or tomorrow, like "blizzard" (which, here, is the same as about 3 inches) and I was super-excited because snow is pretty and I wanted enough to go and play in it, but not so much the power went out, but enough that I wouldn't have to drive into work. Nooooo. Stupid Georgia.

I got into a fight with my Husband last night, because he wouldn't believe me when I told him that "the old guy was the REAL MacGuyver". He still doesn't believe me, and I'm trying to not be mad anymore. But it so totally was the real one.

I hate football. Wait, nix that. I hate pro football, and though I was rooting for the Steelers, and though we are pretty sure that Husband has tackled Ben Roethles-however-you-spell-it-burger in his high school football career (they played each other, we are sure of that), it was still a very "meh" game for me. I watched for the commercials, the only one of which that I really loved involved punching a koala.

LDD came into work this morning, and he said... "I thought the commercials sucked." I said, "Except the career builder one, with the punching of the koala," and he said, "I think that one sucked, too." I said, "You're the boss. You're not supposed to like the career builder commercials."

In 8 months, though? I will be SO PSYCHED because it will be time for my game to be back on. Now leave me alone while I hibernate.

Updated! This one almost even looks store bought. For serious.

2009-02-01T16:18:00.005-05:00

Husband's cousin just had a baby, like the last few seconds. Or weeks, whatevs.

I had this little packet of designer - Moda - fabric, so I figured, boo to the yah. Here's what I made her. She's so cute. It's so cute, too. They'll be a perfect fit.

This one is really cute- I wish you could see how bad-ass the bindings came out.

so this whole post is just to brag...

Updated. Another cousin brought the quilt home for the baby. Then she texted me this picture:

Awwwwwwwwwww! It's good to see my work being appreciated by something so beautiful...

Once again, we celebrate that which is important...

2009-01-31T10:03:00.005-05:00

Today marks Janie's 27th birthday. At least, that's what we are telling people.

You may realize that Janie is my hetero-life-partner, and that she and I have known each other for (egads) 21 years, and that she is the proof that men and boys may come and go, but best friends are for life.

When we were kids, J was the smart one. She was cool and classy and a little reserved (shy, but not uncomfortably so). She didn't act all stupid and crazy and loud like me and Mags did, but she wasn't a leetle bit dorky like Feath, either. For these reasons, my mother - who doesn't really like anybody - likes J. So, to that end, we spent inordinate amounts of time together - usually rather unsupervised, at my house, often torturing my brother, then bribing him to take us to Bradley's, our version of Wal-Mart. Connecticut was strange in the late 80's/early 90's.

Here's a picture, that, best I can tell, was from my 14th birthday party. Note the ridiculous pile of girls on my bed. Notably, also, is the Beatle paraphanalia on my (heavily flowered) walls and the one picture of a certain deee-lectible life guard from my past named Joe. Off topic, but if Joe were still around, and googles his first name and gets here, give me a shout, Joe. You were stunning when you were 18. Which was when I was 12. But whatevs.

Anyhoodle, tonight, Husband and I are going to join Janie and Evanesscence and a few others, and we are going to partay like it's 1999, which, incidentally, was the first year I turned 27 (not really). Or eat Mexican food. Since I am not sure I've completely healed from my hangover, I may be driving, and Husband may be learning the Spanish term for "Jagermeister". Either way is fine with me. I just mostly want the Mexican food. And the company, of course. That's what I want the most.

So, anyway, so, this is my annual tribute to the best friend I've ever known, better than my mom, or my cat, or, in some ways, my Husband, in that I have requested that Janie pluck any errant whiskers that grow on my chin should I be in a coma one day. She agreed. I did not ask Husband to do that. But here we are, some ridiculous amount of time after that one day, a day that went like this:

Scene: It is a junior high school hallway, smelling of sweat socks and nasty food and play dough. A little girl who is ridiculously too young to deal with this setting, and who has a hick accent, has just moved here from Little Rock, Arkansas. The cool New Englanders didn't respond positively to the hick accent. The teachers have placed the girl in a homeroom class, and given her a locker. The first day, the locker partner was absent - Beth. On the second day...

Hick girl is trying to open her locker, and cannot get the lock ensemble to work.

Janie (thick New York accent at this time in her life): "Um. That's my Locka, yo." (she probably didn't really say 'yo', but she definitely was able to kick my ass.)

Me: "Oh, Yeehaw! You must be Beh-eth! I'm yore new Lockerr pardner!" (I may be exaggerating a bit here, too)

note: "Beth" was a fat, bitchy girl. It was not a compliment to be called Beth. I did not realize this at the time, having not met Beth, but Janie did.

Janie: "Uh, no. That's your locker," points to the next locker over. "This one is mine."

Me: "Oh, Yeehaw! Thay-anks! Y'all are sooo nahce!!!"
----
Scene: It is the next day, and the homeroom class is together in the world's nastiest lunch room, a room where food may be served, but all we ever purchased was strawberry yogurt, soda, and chocolate eclair ice cream bars.

Janie: "So, I'm nice." (she did NOT say that, not really, but her behaviors indicated it.)

Me: "You ARE nice!"

girls leave the lunchroom together and head to their lockers.

Me: "Hey! I'm going to my locker, too! Where's your locker??"

Janie: just looked at me like I was an idiot.

It was love at first sight.

I love you, Janie, my Hetero-life partner! Happy Birthday!!!!!!!!!

I just yelled "bless you" down the stairs. See, he really IS sick!

2009-01-30T11:01:00.003-05:00

I am sitting in my dining room, logging into the work server. The baby woke up hacking awfully this morning, and with a green fountain for a nose.

Now, here's the thing. I took him to the doctor, who suggested that this is most likely just a bad cold. We then went to work to get my laptop (he was soooo cute there, too)...

But now, he is downstairs, playing twains, and talking a mile-an-hour to himself. Not really sick.

Don't tell, though. I'll get a few things done here, but mostly I'm on vacay today. It's good prep for Janie's birthday (turning "27" tomorrow!!!!!!)...

Shoot, already he's giving me "work" to do. Jerk. I've been logged in for 42 seconds...

Phew. Better, but boring.

2009-01-29T09:56:00.002-05:00

I'm better. That wine hangover was the worst I've suffered in quite some time - since Athens, for sure. But I'm better. Still drinking water. Still a teeninesy bit queasy, but better.

Last night I got to babysit two of the cutest elf-children I've ever seen. After Pumpkinhead went to bed, the other two started to wind down too, and the girl one and I ended up lying all snuggly on the couch, watching American Idol. I have to admit that I was pretty happy about that. They are also the best eaters I've ever met - especially the boy one. So that was cool.

The boy one is being baptised on Sunday, and I'm singing his baptismal song, and so Teeny Bopper girl and I worked on it yesterday, too. She's singing too, I'm going harmonies. It's going to be nice.

Otherwise, there's not much going on. It's accrual day, and I love doing accurals. They are big and bossy today, too. Fun times.

I just got word that we are planning an offsite, with a personality assessment. Myers-Briggs, or whatnot. Boo yah.

I'm boring myself. Peace out.

Never Again

2009-01-28T07:38:00.002-05:00

Ohmygod.

I think I have the flu.

Also, whose great idea was it for me to drink that whole bottle of wine? Yours? You suck.

The train is passing in the background of my house and maybe also through the back of my head. Stupid train.

I woke up at 12:30 - from full sleep, mind you. Husband said, "whereyougoin'". I said, "I think I might throw up". I did. I "cleaned it up", but when you throw up pure red wine, and try to clean it up when you are drunk and it is dark, the next morning? The bathroom looks like a scene from CSI.

Holycrap. Never. Again. Never.

(or at least not soon).

Drunky McDrunkyPants rawks the Jeopardy!.

2009-01-27T22:11:00.002-05:00

Gang. I don't really drink all that often - I really don't - but tonight is an exception. I very carefully fixed all the typos in that first sentance. This will no longer happen (tonight).

I am very, very, very, very drunk. It is beautiful and fabulous. It is for a purpose, as any good drunks are.

Tonight I took the online Jeopardy! test, and it sucked, and it was super-awesome-fun (one of the best 11-minute periods of my life, I'd say) and I don't think I passed, but you know what? I don't care.

When I was done, I came donwstairs, and husband pointed at a bottle of Sistuh-wine, and raised his eyebrows, to which I emphatically nodded, "yes".

He poured me a "glass", which turned out to be half a bottle. I drank it while we watched NCIS. After which, I refilled it, and drunk-called a half-dozen of my closest friends and relatives. Including my mom. Shut up.

Janie looked up some of the answers for me. Who wrote "Out of Africa"? I still don't know. But Madison was that president (dammit. I put "Harding"). When I told my brother that question, he was all of course it was Madison and I was all I hate you.

I don't really hate him, of course.

Thing is, everybody has goals they would like to achieve before they get old, and/or die. Mine include being on jeopardy (winning big money would be a nice perk. Mostly, I just want to meet Alex). Also, they include singing the National Anthem at some pro- sporting event. Husband swears that he can make this happen - and I believe him.

Anywayz, so this was step one to a dream. And I didn't flub it most awfully. I think I got all of the music questions right - even Beyonce, but including Mozart (Jupiter!) and Vivaldi. I got which mid-western state's post office abbreviation is a preposition (Indiana) and the before and after category - Half ____ Alaska (baked). I didn't get the "rhyme time" question right because I failed to put down both words (I am a giant stupid bohonkus) but I got one of the words, I can be proud of that. Neil Diamond failed to appear in any answer. Nor did (to my great thanks) Barbara Streisand or Celine Dion.

Totally off-topic, Real Simple is my most favorite magazine in the whole wide world. This month, there was a quiz, "How well do you know your Valentine" (or some such). You were supposed to fill out one column, and give the other to your hunny to fill out (same questions). Husband and I (geekily) did this, and we were mostly right about each other. I did not know that the "most embarrassing songs on [his] iPod [zune]" were Babs herself, but he did know that my most embarrassing were Neil Diamond. Pshaw. I did correct him when he said his grandma's favorite song was Barbara Streisand. No, it wasn't. It was Bette Midler (Wind Beneath My Wings, if you were wondering). It's almost sad that I know that.

Jill, I blame you for that one.

Anyway, I am going to go and swig this last ~~few~~ two swallows, then I am going to go and pass out. I am still glad I did it. It was fun.

Please speak softly if you call me tomorrow.

I don't want to play like that was easy.

2009-01-27T20:12:00.002-05:00

Because it wasn't. It wasn't as murderously hard as I've heard it was, but damn...

Some of them were sooooo easy. The clock made it harder. Some of them I KNEW but I couldn't think of them. Stupid Rhyme Time. Rhyme Time sucks it.

Who the EFFF WORD wrote "Out of Africa"?????

And who was that damned president?

I KNEW I should have studied the presidents.

I am going to have a glass of wine, now. Thank you and good night.

Fucking Jeopardy!

2009-01-27T19:27:00.000-05:00

I'm screwed.

There isn't a whole helluva lot going on, but...

2009-01-27T10:46:00.003-05:00

I look very secretarial today; not secretariat, mind you. I'm not horsey.

Here's me reading a journal I receive monthly or thereabouts. Good times. I like this journal, because it has fun articles. For example, this month includes "Turning Eeyore into Mary Poppins," "Dial down the stress meter," and "Could rituals help you score big?". I don't think I've ever learned a damned thing from this paper, but still. It's $75/year (thanks, Suffix!) and I consider it money well spent.

And I look cute while I read it.

I've also saved the world, like, three times today. So everybody owes me. And I am getting free pizza. Boo to the yah, folks.

Peace out.

Oh- one more thing - tonight is my online Jeopardy audition. A bit of research has shown me how incredibly screwed I am; the questions are frighteningly hard. Still. Pray for the following categories, please: "1980's Show Tunes", "Words in French", "Quilting Terminology", and "Neil Diamond". I rock those categories.

Bloody Monday? THANKS, Simply. GREAT.

2009-01-26T16:03:00.002-05:00

Jesus Christ. This is exactly what I was talking about this morning.

I wish my company served Bloody Marys at 4 every day.

Others Have Excuses, I Have My Reasons Why

2009-01-26T14:26:00.001-05:00

Dear Mr. Boss Man:

1) No, I did not forget that you wanted to meet with that dude. You told me - on November 5 - I looked it up - that you did not want to meet with him at that time. I did not "let this slip through the cracks", as you implied. When I told you what you had told me, you back pedaled and drew lots of smiley faces. I do like it that you feel like you have to be nice to me.

2) I did not intentionally book travel over your Wednesday meetings. You told me, and I quote, "I need to arrive around noon." In that said meeting runs from 9-12, I assumed that you were skipping it that week. Because YOU TOLD ME TO SET IT UP THAT WAY. So. Understanding that I am going to fix your flight, yadda yadda yadda, now would be a good time for you to go out and buy me some ice cream.

Sincerely,
Her Majesty

Doldrums. Dog Days of January, I guess.

2009-01-26T11:40:00.001-05:00

Guys. I hate to be morose. But, come on, economy. You are starting to piss me off.

Look. I am getting so sick and tired of waking up every day to hear that some company around here is laying off more people. Or that my company is laying off more people (yes, it's true. I think. I heard it as a rumor, but who would make that up?). I'm not really afraid for my job, it's more like, I just want things to go back to the way they used to be. It's still not that much of a stretch to find myself wondering what it would be like to stand in a soup line and sing "Brother, can you spare a dime."

I should not bitch, both of us are gainfully and - relatively - securely employed. My work is multi-industry, so I'm in a better spot than many, and couple that with the fact that I am smoking hot and also well-educated. Who wouldn't hire me?? But anyway, what if?

Aw, forget what if. It gets me nowhere (like Olivia Newton John!) but makes me need to eat ativan. Ativan is NOT for my pleasure, dammit. It's for emergency use only.

You know what I need? Bacon.

I'm going to Waffle House.

Dudes.

2009-01-24T23:57:00.001-05:00

I just downloaded a whole album of Neil Diamond.

And DID YOU KNOW that iTunes has Karaoke songs?

What? I can't hear you.

Yes, that is me, singing along to "Cry". AND I FREAKING SOUND JUST LIKE MANDY MOORE.

You know it's true.

The one where they actually call in a psych eval for her

2009-01-23T12:58:00.003-05:00

Every week, I am required to send a reminder notice to my peers to get their time entered into Clarity, wherein we enter our time, weekly. Yes, that was a circle. Good job with the shapes.

Anyways, so last year I started being a bit... crafty... with my emails. Then came the dork cam.

This is what they got this week (caution, does have a teensy bit of sound):

Never, never again.

2009-01-23T09:30:00.003-05:00

Yesterday, my friend SalonChick and I hosted a baby shower at work. This baby shower is for Little A, who is probably my best friend-at-work, and also another co-worker dude who I have only vaguely met, in passing.

For reasons I cannot understand, I said, two or so weeks ago, "hey! Nobody buy cakes. I want to make them!". For reasons I cannot understand even more, everybody thought that was a fine idea.

(Should I point out that I DON'T BAKE EVER EVER EVER?)

Sooo, anyway... Garen leant me some absolutely fantastic cake pans, so I could whip these two cakes together. They are square, so Garen suggested I decorate them to look like presents. This seemed like a wonderful idea to me.

In my mind, they would have looked like this:

Or possibly like this:

In reality? Not so much. See pictures below. White cake was for Little A... chocolate for that other guy. Please note that I tried to write his name on the "tag", but when I got to hers, I gave up that notion altogether and went with her initials.

Please also note that I decided the "ribbon" was too ugly to go on Little A's white cake, also.

Regardless, they were eaten (every bite), so who cares. But. Don't suggest that we do this as a regular thing, this baking nonsense... next time, I'm paying Garen to do it for me.

Lessons learned.

Don't doubt me. Just do it.

2009-01-22T22:45:00.001-05:00

Okay. Both of you. Janie, especially you.

You know I am a podcastaholic. I have downloaded hours of just absolute crap and hated every second.

Then, tonight? I found this. When I stopped laughing, I decided to tell you guys about it. You TOTALLY have to listen. I'm not kidding. NOT KIDDING.

Why I am a Methodist

2009-01-22T10:23:00.004-05:00

If I were Hindi, Jewish, or 7th Day Adventist, I would not be allowed to partake in pork products.

For FREAKING REAL.

And, I believe I've mentioned before how I feel about ham and bacon (bacon!).

This morning, my friends bought me two strips of bacon at the company cafeteria, which is hilarious and delightful. I cannot express the feeling of love that happened when bacon showed up, unexpected, on my desk. It's like, Christmas (see? not Hannukah).

Seems a bit like overkill, but the pork products really, really, really rock my world, and make me happy.

I also like the occasional glass of wine, which rules out Mormonism and most baptists, I don't go to confession, which kicks me off the Catholic list (oh, yeah, and there was that one time when I told that Priest to "fuck off" - that was pretty much an ender of that religion, too). I like to sing and dance and celebrate birthdays, so I cannot be Jehovah's Witness or some other super-conservative sects. I don't believe in aliens and I won't give the majority of my money to my faith, so Scientology and cults are often out (that, and the fact that I don't like poisoned kool-aid). That pretty much leaves Presbyterian, Methodist and Lutheran. I guess Episcopalian is still included, but they do the confession thing, too, I think.

Presbyterian and Methodist are pretty much identical, in my (somewhat limited) experience. My dad grew up Methodist, so that's where I landed.

It must be noted that many fellow Methodists do not do the following:

*Say fuck whenever and wherever (including in front of one's mom)
*Drink like a fish
*Enjoy stories from college that begin with "I was wasted, and this guy that ended up being gay..."
*Call people ugly names (on or off of their blog)
*Have dirty houses

But that's all fine. It works for me. And whatever church you go to (or don't), whatever your beliefs, I dig that. I'm not ever going to tell you what you should believe or preach at you. I am, however, going to pray for you (if you ask me to, or sometimes, even if you don't), and I am going to invite you to try out church. Mine or otherwise, I don't care. Even if it is just so you have a place to sing (hi, MN!), or so you have a group of built-in-friends so that you can have some company in life (hi, Simply!) who really love you. Church can do that for you. It did for me.

But, to H., with whom I had this conversation at her house? I still want you to consider walking inside the building if he asks you to take him to church. No matter how much you don't want to. Do it for him - Beanie asked me, and it made my whole world a whole, whole, whole lot better.

OHMYFARKINGGAWD Why can't I be funny like her?

2009-01-21T13:10:00.001-05:00

This is my new favorite post on the internets.

Zombie Apocolypse*

2009-01-21T11:47:00.003-05:00

TJ started this meme, all by himself, which sounds like fun to me (though he may be disappointed in my weaponry of choice). Heck. If we are talking about Zombies, though... I get to pick. The following is brilliantly and unabashedly plaigerized from his site:

If/when the Zombie Apocalypse comes, what would your:
1. Main weapon be
2. Backup weapon be
3. Vehicle be
4. Babe/Hunk to repopulate earth with be (hopefully, this is more of a "who" than a "what")
5. Theme song be
6. Battle cry be

Ok, now the rules: If you choose to participate, please leave a comment to the effect, and please post a link to my post about it.

Here you go:

1. Main Weapon: If I can't choose Light Saber (and I SO WOULD), I'm going to go with long-range, high-heat hair dryer. I'm pretty sure that Zombies lose their shit in the face of hot air.
2. Back-up Weapon: Halogen-type lamp that sits in the corner of my dining room. Seriously, that mo-fo gets HOT.
3. Vehicle: It seems appropriate to choose the VW Thing. Furthermore, I've found myself pining for this car lately. In red, preferrably.
4. Partner: I should say Husband, but... let's assume the Zombies already got him. I'm going to hell for saying that. Anyway, okay, so how about Mike Rowe? That way, if the Zombies melt(see #s 1 and 2), he won't mind if he gets covered in Zombie goo. He likes to be dirty. Mrrr. Rowr.
5. Theme Song: Shooter's "Life's a Bitch and Then You Die". It's my theme song, anyway. Well, it would be that or "Natural Thing" by Journey, which is my Favorite Song of All Time, and both of them make me happy. And besides, what's more natural than Zombies? REALLY?
6. Battle Cry: I'm torn on this one. Either "Does this hair dryer make my ass look big?" or "Take that light bulb right where the sun don't shine". Both phrases are badass enough that I will find a way to use them in real life. And soon. Don't ever doubt it.

Okay, you're up. Do it. Sucka!

*I wish I had a band named this. I really, really, really do. And I wish I played accordian for that band.

Way to Go, Husband!

2009-01-21T08:11:00.003-05:00

Last night, there was a surprise dinner for Husband and the ten or so other folks (including Kary) that completed this ministry class. It's to make you a minister in time of need; that is to say, when something in your life gets all whackadoodle, you can call on a Stephen Minister and one can help you talk through things, and also they will help you find resources.

Their wives (or themselves, I guess, if they are girls) would bake you cookies, but it's all super-double-mega top secret, so the wives don't really get to know what is going on.

Still. He's been in this class for something like 60 hours, and that's 60 hours during which I could have found lots of chores for him to do, so it truly is a heck of an accomplishment.

I took a half day because I wanted to have time to make myself pretty, and oh- I asked a whole bunch of people to write him letters of encouragement, and I had to bind them into a book. Which they did, and I did, and it was awesome.

Team Husband took up more room than just about anybody else, which is both not unexpected and absolutely perfect. And the food was great - except the green beans, they would have been much improved if they had actually been cooked - but the company was also fabulous and the people were nice. It was really nice.

After the dinner, Husband had to go on to class, which bites, but we were kind of tired, so we all headed for home. Janie and Beanie and I did some prep work for my mad Jeopardy test next week, and the baby went home with Husband's mom.

I realized that I can, literally, sleep until 7:59 today. So I did.

It's 17 degrees out now, and that's just flat-out revolting. I don't want to work, but I've got to at least pretend I give a shit about what's going on. Have a happy day!

Whatevs. I'm a strong black woman.

2009-01-20T08:36:00.005-05:00

My intention was to be at work at 7am this morning.

THAT DID NOT HAPPEN.

I was here by 7:30, which is good, but Long Duck himself beat me. Dammit.

Today is Happy Black President Day, and I intentionally spent some quality time with NPR this morning so I could get all bubbly and awesome. I mean it, I'm totally psyched. I've got the Tivo set for 8 or so hours of coverage. Admittedly, I think that the security better be really, really high today. NPR says it is. I just still can imagine some big ole bubbas, a la Deliverance, administering their own philosophy via shotgun. It would be awful, I'm not supporting that, I just think it is a real risk.

Other than that, I'm just digging through some bullous crappous so I can survive this day. Long Duck is being high-may.

Tonight is a big deal, but just in case my readership is more extensive than it usually is, I'm not going to say anything else... till tomorrow!!!

Fritos Al Fredo, please. Dressing on the side.

2009-01-18T09:14:00.003-05:00

You may remember that I took some Spanish classes on my iPod, well, until they did all the numbers to 100 and the days of the week in one lesson, and I got scared and quit, right?

I've mentioned before, to my friends, that the neighbors behind me speak Spanish (some don't speak English), and I get all excited when I see them, and I start shouting things like, "Hola! Tango DOS IJOS! SE LLAMAN ... Y ..."*. Undoubtedly, my neighbors think I am a giant tool.

Yesterday, Janie an Simply Unpredictable were at my house, quilting (converts- YES!), and I stepped outside to smoke. All the sudden, they heard the following (I feel sure they could not hear the neighbor's response):

Me: "Hola! Que Pasa!"
(they began laughing immediately)
Me: "Bueno! Y Usted?"
Me: "No Esta Caliente!"
(Janie starts yelling to me the word for "cold", the neighbor is yelling too)
Me: "Frito?"**
Me: "Freeeho?"
Me: "Esta Freeho!"
Me: "What? Que?"
Me: "Al Fredo?"
(Janie is still yelling me the answers, but I can't hear for the laughter)
Me: "Ohh. Al Fuedo! Esta Freeho Al Fuedo!"

I was so proud of myself.

Janie told me later that it is actually "Hace Frijo Al Fuedo" or some such. I'll just stick with "Esta Frito Al Fredo", thank you very much. Stupid Spanish.

*it's a podcast, they don't tell me how to spell shit. I do my best.
**while I'm saying this, I am rolling the SHIT out of my "rrr"s.

For the record, the quilt squares came out badass. And it's warmed up a little, so no more of the frito bullshit.

It's Friday, I'm in Love

2009-01-16T09:25:00.005-05:00

I woke up this morning, and it was 1984. Seriously. It was also - according to Husband's weather station - 11 degrees outside. Eleven. That's ridiculous. That's unfit for humans.

Because I am both my mother's daughter and a tool, I carefully dressed for this weather. Thermal underwear? check. Pink turtleneck sweater? check. LL Bean "Big Shirt"? check. Black super-tight jeans (1984, remember?)? check. Boots into which I can tuck said jeans? check.

Then I got ready for outsideyness. Giant puffy pink parka? check. Hot pink gloves? check. Hat? uh... I couldn't find a hat that didn't look like it came from an episode of Northern Exposure, so I settled for a scarf, wrapped Baboushka-style around my head. My mother's daughter, I say.

Sistuh suggested that this ensemble might be slightly less than cool, so I decided to video it all, both the inner layer(s) as well as the outside gear, and let you decide. Hence, said videos.

Now, 'scuse me while I go listen to some Wham and try to work the phrase, "it's, like, radical, y'know?" into my speech while I chew gum obnoxiously. Have a happy Friday.

Awww, what? No visuals???

2009-01-15T13:28:00.002-05:00

It's been another hard week at the ole' suffix; more folks are being let go. Every day I hear of this person or that person; so far, it's nobody I really love (THIS TIME) but lots and lots of people I know.

Me, though- I'm all right. Long Duck has committed to pushing to give me the title I deserve (boo to the yah, yo), which is rather meaningless except that it will allow me to act a little more snotty. Oh, and hopefully, eventually, land me a raise.

Anywhoosier, there really isn't much all going on. I went to Quizno's for lunch. Booyah. MMM MMM Toasty or what-all. I stayed up much too late last night, but I was still asleep when Husband got home. I was single-mom for the last three nights, and I'm over it. He's on his own tonight. That's all I have to say about that.

Everybody is bitching about the cold, so I will, too. It's cold. It's grossly, horribly, wrongly cold.
Like, 30 degrees or something. And it makes me mad. Cold makes me want to punch people.

I guess I will go and get some work done. Sorry for the (lack of) visuals. I'm not really in the mood. Maybe later.

Why I am still awake, past my bedtime

2009-01-15T00:12:00.004-05:00

I made myself a quilt.

Well, that's not exactly true. I made myself a quilt top. I still have to go and buy something to use on the back, and then I have to sandwich and sew the damned thing, but... I love it. It reminds me of water, and that was what I wanted, even though there are no prints here that are remotely water-y.

But you guys? Isn't it pretty??? I mean, it TOTALLY is pretty, don't you think???

Dorkcam Part Four - Introducing Beanie

2009-01-14T16:18:00.003-05:00

What a cranky-pants. Note that the little one is eating. Again. SERIOUSLY.

Dorkcam Part Three - PH Eats Lunch

2009-01-14T12:13:00.007-05:00

Let this be proof that I am awesome at understanding what he is saying even when his mouth is full. I speak fluent two year old.

Dorkcam part two, starring, Pumpkinhead

2009-01-14T09:06:00.003-05:00

Dorkcam at home, with sound!!!

2009-01-14T07:41:00.006-05:00

It is my regularly scheduled work-from-home day, and I went so far as to take the dork cam home with me, so you all wouldn't miss out on my lovely visage. It's pretty scary today, but then, what can you expect. It's not like I'm going to pretty up for work from home. At least I am not wearing a black turtleneck.

This video makes it look like I have buck teeth. I almost but not quite do. My parents spent thousands of dollars to ensure that I wouldn't.

Anyhow, there's sound today, so plug in your earbuds and let's get right down to it:

For the record. This is what my husband wakes up to every single morning. Is he the luckiest man alive, or WHAT? Don't answer that....

Isn't she lovely?

2009-01-13T14:52:00.004-05:00

Today is fun. It's WAY funnerer than yesterday, despite the fact that my little migraine is still hanging around the corners of my eyes. I think it's because of the coffee.

Anyway, it could also be because of the tights. My mom bought me these for Christmas. Today is the first that I have worn them. I've gotten a lot of surprised reactions today... mostly people say they are cute, but I have gotten that followed by, "My daughter would just love those." (her daughter is 8). I'm pretty sure that Sistuh would hate them, but I'm enjoying the drama, and besides, I have little tiny cute legs, and there is no reason to not encase them in black and pink, slightly witchy tights.

That ~~bitch~~ friend Snooz, she burst into laughter when she saw me. I don't think that was really entirely necessary. Anyway, you guys decide yourselves.

Then watch a video wherein I catelogue the five coffee mugs that are on my desk. Only two of these have ever been used, for the record.

Also, for the record, I am not wearing the same shirt I was wearing yesterday. Despite appearances. I own, like, six black turtlenecks. And this one happens to be a dress. The end.

Monday with a vengeance

2009-01-12T15:14:00.003-05:00

I woke up this morning, re-visited by the migraine that hung around yesterday. Stupid cold weather; it was pretty and now it is, like, 25 degrees or something, and my head thinks it is supposed to contract and expand like... something that expands and contracts in the cold. It sucks.

To add to that, I itch.

To add to that, I had a 9am staff meeting that Did Not Go Well, after which I got called to fix an emergency wherein the Hub in the Big Dick's Meeting was Making Noise. Farking Hub.

To add to that, I didn't get enough coffee this morning, and my eyes hurt.

To add to that, my company is about to make news, and not in a good way (shut your yaps, please).

So here's how today is generally looking. Thank goodness for Dorkcam.

Cussing Babies and Other Stuff-ola

2009-01-11T00:32:00.003-05:00

1. My baby said, "Oh Shit" today, in the car, because I had to put it in reverse and it reminded him of when he was in the car and Daddy went the Dukes of Hazard Way. Good times.

2. I'm almost done with the new quilt that I am making, the one I'm making for me, and it is the one that Sistuh said, "Um, I don't like it because I don't like things that are ugly." This is AFTER I tried to tell her how to say things politely when you don't like the same kinds of things.

3. Adelaide and Betsy had a play date and they liked each other.

4. Speaking of Anti-Apartheid-ness (you were, right?) - You know my song, "Biko"? The one by Peter Gabriel? My littlest started singing along to it today. I tried, then, to get him to hold up his fist and say "Black Power", to which Janie said that my husband is going to kill me (she was right, he would) but the baby wouldn't do it, anyway. Later on, he also sang along to the Jeopardy theme song.

Thank you, and goodnight.

"Mama Pajama Rolled Out of Bed and She Ran to the Po-Lice Station"

2009-01-10T01:21:00.002-05:00

Name it.

I'm going to bed.

I love you, night night.

(PS - If you do name it, I'm not giving you jack shit, since I never will send anything, anyway, because I'm a big ole lazy ass, but I will love you THAT MUCH MORE)

Watch me seriously contemplate napping at work. I can.

2009-01-09T13:11:00.008-05:00

Firstly: Happy Birthday, PSPRTB. TWO YEARS OF WRITING DOWN BORING SHIT THAT I THINK IS FUNNY OR INTERESTING OR MEDICAL OR APARTHEID RELATED. I rock the blog.

Long Duck Dong didn't show up to work today.

He called one person to cancel a meeting, but he blew off his other three. Who called me, wondering where he is. I told them I had no idea.

He finally logged on, around 11:00, and I asked him what was going on. His response? "Family emergency :-)."

What the fuck? My best guess is that it is one of those emergencies that begins with too much beer during the BCS Championship and ends with fluent "secret potty breaks".

So I'm undermotivated, and I would like to have done the same damned thing, but noooooo. If I pulled a no-call/no-show, I'd be fired. So I have sat here and contemplated napping (see video).

For the record, I still hate Tim Tebow, even if he DOES have nice Christian messages on his eye patch thingeees. And even if he IS kind of amazingly awesome, and even if I DO fight with all I've got to get him on my Fantasty team when he goes pro...

I'm videotaping this while I write. Dork cam rocks.

2009-01-08T09:33:00.004-05:00

For the record, I'm still in love with my dork cam. Or so not. You decide.

This morning, my youngest and I were on the way to the daycare. He saw a school bus. "I see a school bus!", he said.

"Wow! Cool!", I said.

"WOW COOL I SEE ANOTHER SCHOOL BUS," he said.

"No kidding? I see it too! Cool!" I said.

"No kidding!" He said.

then he said - and I kid you not, I had to stop the car -

"Are you KIDDING me?"

My kid quoted Gray's Anatomy.
-----
Husband and I both were treated last night, for Scabies. Look, in the video, you see that I may not be drop-dead beautiful, but I am clean. Seriously.

Anyway, it's the way the dermatologist wanted to go to try to de-itch me, so she figured we'd both give it a shot, me and Husband.

Husband HATES lotion, hates hates hates it, so it was really 'taking one for the team' when he had to lather up with this thick, slimy junk, literally from his neck to the soles of his feet.

I like lotion, so it wasn't really an issue for me. But it WAS weird. I've never been forced to "lotion up" before.

So, anyway, it is to my dismay (or not really, since I don't think I really do have scabies) that I itch like murder still this morning. She (the dermatologist) did give me some steroid cream as well which I have liberally applied. We'll see how that goes.

I do still feel dirty. And if Husband has it, he can totally call it an STD and blame me. But where in the hell would I have gotten it?

(If I have slept at your house, you might wish to seriously consider washing the sheets in hot water, though).

And, Pumpkinhead is pretty far up my bohonkus, AND I've spent a few nights cuddled up with him during our vacation, so I would have a tough time buying this issue since HE does not appear to have Scabies.

Last night, I asked him, "do you itch?".

"Yeah!" he said.

"Where?" I said.

"On YaYa!" He said.

Of course he does.

Have a happy day. I'm going to go 'roid up.

(PS - one of my boss-people came to talk to me mid-recording, so I had to delete the recording. So instead, I'll just give you a dork-cam shot of me drinking water from a bright orange cup.)

Today's Dork Cam Shot

2009-01-07T12:55:00.003-05:00

Figure I might as well get SOME use out of this dumb thing.

"Oh No! Daddy Stuck! He fix it, though. It's awwright!"

2009-01-07T08:34:00.003-05:00

It's been raining. A lot.

His majesty, King of the Sparklepants household, often parks behind me in the driveway. He did so last night.

This morning, he was supposed to drive Pumpkinhead to daycare. I was supposed to be on time to work.

When I got out of the shower, all was quiet, they were likely on their way. I got dressed, then headed downstairs. As I walked into the kitchen, the back door opened. Husband walked in. "Sweetie, I screwed up..."

Right behind him followed the toddler. "Oh No! Daddy Stuck! He fix it, though. Its awwright. Daddy fix it! Daddy Stuck! Oh No!"
Hunh.

Husband had decided to take my car to take the baby; not that unusual since his car is filled - quite literally - with junk. Husband decided to go around the yard to get out, since his car was parked behind mine. Again, not unusual. He likes to four-wheel in my minivan.

It's been raining.

In this picture, daddy is lying on the ground, tying off my van to a tow rope for a neighbor. He's lying on my favorite lay-out chair, which is now mud-soaked. Much like the floor in my kitchen, oh, and my floor mat and gas pedal. sigh.

It had rolled about 20 feet. Through the mud

A tree? Yes, that IS a tree there, on the ground, half under my car, where my car had rolled over it.

I like to call this the "Dukes of Hazard Way", as once upon a time, my dad asked us kids if, en route to McDonald's, we wanted to go "the regular way or the Dukes of Hazard Way".

Obviously, my dad was the coolest dad EVER.

He got stuck, too. And he didn't have a neighbor with a bigass truck to tow it out for free.

I bet my mom was pissed.

I bet I said, "Oh No! Daddy stuck! He fix it though. It's awwright!"

Dudes. My boss forced me to get this. Look. LOOOK AT THIS DORK.

2009-01-06T13:13:00.002-05:00

Cutcakes and Cooking

2009-01-06T11:42:00.000-05:00

Last night, when I picked Pumpkinhead up from the daycare, I told him that it was Yaya's birthday (that's what he calls Beanie). He lit up like a Roman Candle, and started carrying on about how we got to eat "cutcake". Well, damn. So he and I went to the grocery store and bought stuff to make "cutcakes" for Yaya's birthday.

An hour later, I had 24 of the best-EVUH pastries ready to eat, and we did the song and candle bit, and everyone was happy. Beanie and I realized that I have never, not once, ever made him a birthday cake (or cutcakes!) for him.

What kind of shittay mom am I?

I mean, I've purchased a bajillion, but never gotten my hands dirty.

Anyway, and I cannot even claim to have made these "cutcakes" single-handedly. Before I got the groceries put away, PH had pulled a kitchen chair to the counter so he could help. He did, too. He poured in the oil (I measured it) and water (I measured it). He counted the eggs ("free", and he did a good job on that) and he helped me to stir (If by "stirring", you mean swirled the top around for a minute, then make sure you taste the batter, raw eggs and all, much to your mother's chagrin). How sweet is that, though, really?

THESE are the things that make me want to be a stay-at-home-mom.

Followed by MANY years at Chuckee Cheese

2009-01-05T10:23:00.003-05:00

15 years ago, this morning, I woke up because my back hurt. I'd only slept a handful of hours, so I took some Tylenol and went back to bed. My back hurt again, after awhile, and I sort of peed myself. Not a huge shock, since I was 1100 months pregnant with my first child, but it still took me a while to realize I was in labor.

Labor started out fun; my mom realized we didn't have any film, so she and I went to WalMart. That's where the fun lessened and turned into suck.

A few hours later, I had an epideral and was feeling much better. That being said, all labor stopped, so I spent a bunch of hours reading Redbook magazines and eating popsicles. Eventually, they turned off the epideral.

I don't remember much after that, but I do have a recollection of looking at the clock - 11:30pm - and telling the doctor he had a half hour during which this baby could be born, but after that, I was taking a break. Talk to me around 7 the next morning.

Beanie was born at 11:46 pm, barely making it in that day; He was hairy and swarthy, looked like a half-inuit monkey. He was all arms and legs, skinny and tall already. He was absolutely beautiful.

Today, that same child is eligible to get his learners' permit (we will be doing that soon, though probably not today).

Happy birthday, Beanie! My first lovey. Don't tell the other one, but you are my favorite!*

*i tell the other one this same thing on a regular basis.

Things I claim to be addicted to, Jan 2009

2009-01-04T22:52:00.002-05:00

1. Facebook. Specifically, flair.
2. Quilting.

(it's farking weird to write that I have an addiction to the quilting)

3. iTunes. For Farking real.

(and, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you to anybody who contributed to this (or any) addiction for Christmas. I just bought another Bill Bryson book - it's 16 hours long - and I can't even stand it, so I am making myself listen to podcasts instead of giving into that excellence) (holycrap, do I ever so totally mean this).

4. Pralines.

(it's a good thing we left Louisiana, because my mom had this shirt box filled with layer after layer of burnt-sugar-pecan heaven and it was UN BE LEE VA BUL. if you have never had a praline, remedy that RIGHT NOW)

(also, I think it is totally whackadoodle that my mother used a shirt box to store her Christmas candy. hunh.)

5. Dirty Jobs

(rrrrrowr)

I'm done here now. I have quilting to do.

We're Home!!!

2009-01-04T01:34:00.002-05:00

Jill asked me for a medical update. Here's the currentest. All my labs came back okay (except that my cholesterol is high-ish and Dr. Cindy wants me to start excercising. Pshaw) but the rash crapola is still in high form (new AIDS lesions!) and so I am supposed to go to a skin doctor and a gastrointerologist. I'll be going to the dermatologist ASAP - itching sucks it - but the gastro may or may not happen. I don't really mind having good, regular post-food poops. Besides, I blame my lack of a gall bladder.

Anyway, bottom line is, we ran all the additional tests so we could completely rule out cancer, and that has been completely ruled out, so everybody needs to breathe a big ole sigh of relief and continue to celebrate Christmas. Because holidays rawk, y'all.

I've got a new Nancy Drew video game (shut it) so I'm going to indulge my inner nerd for about an hour before I pass out.

For those of you that looked after The Sparklecat, I thank you most graciously, and Husband fixed the heater. Booyah.

kayiloveyoubyebye.

Again.

2009-01-02T16:13:00.002-05:00

So, I really don't even know what else to tell all y'all. Happy New Year! We are back in Slidell, where my folks live, but we are heading back to Baton Rouge within the next hour or so. My brother and his wife and us are going to go out to eat, then we are going to play cards. Sounds riveting, does it not?

American Idol starts again soon. Liveblogging to follow.

I don't miss my job; I am seriously paining about the fact that I have to return there in a few short days. I miss a few folks there - namely you and you, you'll know who I mean - but not really anything else there. And I did get to use the word "douchebag" to my father when describing one of the folks with whom I work. Or FOR whom.

Right now, Husband is lying on the couch in here, snoring loud enough to make my dad and I giggle.

I have to go give my fasha a lesson on Pandora now. Peace out.

More but still not everything

2008-12-31T15:05:00.006-05:00

Okay, so those are pictures of the quilts that I made the my two Gawgia Sisters for Christmas. Aren't they cool???

We are fixing to leave for Baton Rouge, wherein we will be doing significant amounts of drinking and eating food that used to crawl on the bottom of seas. I love Louisiana.

We've had an absolute blast; We went to the lights at City Park in New Orleans a few nights ago and it was perfect. Husband took some pictures; I may or may not share them with you. Yesterday, we took the boys to the NO Zoo, which is quite definitely the best zoo I have ever been to. They have three giraffes. Some other stuff, too.

When we got home, Husband and I took my dad's speed boat out for one quick lap before dinner; I love boats.

Today, we did some shopping and went to see my mom at her work - which is McDonald's, which is weird if you know my mom. PH loved it, though. And a stranger told me that "that child is just beautiful", which he is. Strangers here are very smart.

I still have stories to tell you, but I just can't! I'm too busy! I'm very important here.

What do you mean, where've I been? Where've you been??

2008-12-30T00:23:00.002-05:00

Dudes.

We have now completed Christmases parts 1, 2, 3, and 4. 5 and 6 will occur on Wednesday and Thursday. Dudes.

I'm so spoiled. As usual, I received more than my allotted share of pink things, and some leggings (!) and some sparkly things. Some things that were initially my favorite have been replaced by other favorites, things I sort of had to warm up to. Namely my puffy pink parka. It so rawks.

I like making a list, but there's no way I'll remember everything, so here's a shot:
My boys bought me 2 iTunes cards, one of which I spent already, on a book by A J Jacobs about living biblically for a year. It was awesome. The other, well, I can't decide, but fortunately (as you will see shortly), I don't have to yet.

From Christmas the second i.e., Christmas with Kim and Sistuh and Ginger and such... holy crap, y'all!!! I'm SOOOO her favorite. I am also SOOOOOO spoiled. I don't know if I can possibly remember everything, but here's a shot:
- Hardback of Pride and Prejudice which is amazing because she continued our tradition and I love love love this book, so booyah.
- A blankie. With pink on it. In an excellent and reusable tupperware.
- Jammies, that say "Wicked" on them, because I am. And they are also pink.
- Truly spandex leggings, featuring fabulously colorful butterflies all over them.
- To go with the leggings, a purple sparkly sweater that shows how exceptionally boobalicious I am. I love that woman.
- One of those hair wrap thingees that you see on tee vee and covet, only now I don't have to covet it. AND it's pink.
- Dudes. I know there was, like, 100 other things from Kim, but I just cannot remember them right now. I'm sorry. I'm tired. I'll do a more complete list later.
From the sisters, I got:
- Wine! Booyah! And glasses in which to drink said wine! It's soooo cool!
- Starcrack, a sampler set, and a cool-ass starcrack mug in which to drink said starcrack (AND it has a list of foods to eat with each kind. How cool is that??!!!)
- A penguin mug that has hot chocolate in it, too. A PENGUIN MUG.
- Dudes. I know there was a bunch of other awesome stuff from them, too, and I'm sucking for not being able to list it right now. I'm in Louisiana, in my defense. I can't just walk around and take inventory.

FOR THE RECORD: The Prime Rib on Friday night was the freaking best EVER and I know that the au jus recipe called for pickle spice and I don't even care, because it was delicious. Not to mention the cookies. HOLY CRAP THE COOKIES. The sugar cookies are my absolute favorites.

A few more notes about that Christmas: 1) Beanie got a Jeopardy game, and we played it, and one of the categories was "'F' in Geography" and it totally freaking cracked us up every time that Beanie/Alex would read that category. Because it totally sounded like effin' Geography, and I sort of agree.

Also, Sistuh ate poopoo. Only she swears it is just dirt. Mmm hmmm. But that made me laugh so hard that I cried.

Christmas part three was the Fambly Christmas for Husband's family, and it was soooo nice. My mamaw (Yeah, Husband brought her into the marriage, but she's mine, now) made each of us girls a wreath out of hand-woven branches from the woods, and I didn't even know you could even DO that!!!!). Also, I got some B&BW hand soap (love. it.) and some other stuff that I can, yet again, not remember. I really suck it. Oh - I have to mention the cook book. It is BADASS. And I just finished reading it, like a novel. It's a Church Social cookbook, only it doesn't have to be for church socials, it can totally be stuff just for fun. Anyhoo, it also includes a complete list of things that are "acceptable" for bake sales and also things that are "unacceptable". SO FUN.

Oh- and Ginger, if you are still reading - I also have the starter for sourdough in mine. HOW PSYCHED ARE WE???

The fambly always does this big gift game and it's madness and mayhem, only this year was one of the funnerest ever because everybody was BRUTAL about a certain pair of gifts (which remain unopened until the end of the game) and guess what those gifts were??!!! Rubics Cubes. HA HA HA HA HA.

I would like to take a moment to say a great big thank you to all of the Fambly, though. Both for me, and for my men, but maybe most of all for Pumpkinhead*. His gifts were just fantastic, absolutely perfect, and I thank each of you so much.

Aunt Neen, Thomas the Choo Choo Twain made the Best Car Piwwow EVER, and Mamaw? He's still sleeping with Heartbreak, every night.

Okay, so we left for Louisiana on Sunday evening... I hadn't slept well this week - oh, and Kim or Ginger, could you PLEASE take a few pictures of the quilts so I can post them and show off my prowess to the internet world? Anyway, so I fell asleep before Opelika and woke up at Mobile, which is perfect because Alabama is PAINFULLY long.

When we got here, what, was that just last night? Anyway, we had Christmas part 983, I believe, and it was ALSO so nice it is absolutely absurd. I can probably make a complete list of my giftage here, due to the fact that it was just yesterday.

- iTunes money. A RIDICULOUS amount of it. It's SOOOO fun.
- Joann's Fabric money. NOT a ridiculous amount, but SOOOO fun.

Oh- and Janie- God, I'm sorry I haven't called, I really suck, but I am MEGA PSYCHED that Betsy has a new sister - what is her name????!!!!!! I can't wait to play!!!!

Anyway,
- A Quilting magazine, which I read like a novel, once I finished the cookbook. Yes, I am Amish, it would seem.
- Boots! But they were too big (sad face) so I took them back to Payless today and got some more, one pair that fits, and about $20 in Payless money, which RAWKS because sooner or later (or forever) they will have BOGO at MY Payless and I'll end up with two other pairs of new shoes.
- Socks!
- Panties, and I'd like to suggest that they were inappropriate panties to be getting from my mother, in that they are kind of hawt, and I was a little embarrassed opening them in front of my dad, but it is done. It's all good.
- This infuser/reed thingee that is super-mega-cool AND everybody at work has them, so maybe I'll take it to work, too, but maybe not, too.
- A new jacket/shirt thingee, to replace my black one that I've had since 1996, and which is pretty much threadbare and down to two buttons, but I love it so.

Some other stuff, too, but I just realized that it is midnight LOUISIANA time, and dammit, I'm tired. So I'm going to go to bed. That's the way it is. I'll give you more tomorrow, and ask me about why I starred PH's name, and also ask me about the trains and the carousel, and ohmygosh I really do need to call it done.

I missed you, too.

Merry merry merry merry Christmas!

2008-12-25T12:42:00.002-05:00

It's 12:42 pm. I would have probably gotten to sleep til 9ish, but Husband woke up and wanted to rub my back. I let him; it's Christmas, after all.

We got up around 8:00, smoked and wiped our eyes, then we woke up the baby. He wasn't jolly, didn't care at all about the idea of Santa coming (he DID have a tough time going to sleep last night), then we woke up Beanie, who specifically requested a shower. Pshaw, said us, there is no showering on Christmas.

We went downstairs and the baby noticed that the cookies were mostly gone... that was pretty much all he noticed. Once we pointed out the stockings and presents, though, he was pretty psyched.

All presents were opened (yay, presents!) and Beanie opened his "big one" (a 16 gig Zune), and he was kinda shaking, which was either due to low blood sugar or his excitement. It was really cool. Pumpkinhead got lots of Choo Choo Twain stuff and a booster seat. We played, we turned on a parade.

Later in the morning, Husband made us Christmas Brunch. As we were sitting down to eat, Pumpkinhead and I had the following conversation:

Me: Do you like Christmas?
Pumpkinhead: I wike Pwesents!
Me: Oh, you do? What was your favorite present?
PH: Tandy!

We are all fixin' to nap, now, and it's been a glorious day.

Merry Christmas!!!

Magic.

2008-12-24T08:01:00.003-05:00

This morning, Husband and I left the house at unGodly-thirty, to do some last-minute WalMarting in preparation for this evening. We decided that, same as usual, we would do "our Christmas" for each other later on... this is normal, and the truth is, neither of us needs a thing. Christmas is the joy of the morning with the boys, for us.

Anyway, so after I left him at work, I headed to the grocery store to buy a few things for us to nibble on for the rest of the week. I had this inspiration, for a project/activity to do today, something that would entertain the boys and myself, and make Husband happy, with a magical Christmas-y touch to it, too.

I went to the grocery store, fingering the wad of cash in my pocket. $90, I thought. I gathered a bit of this, a bit of that, and went about the business of shopping. In my jammies. Shut up.

Anyway, so when I got to the check-out, there was a beautifully dressed and made-up woman behind me. Laughing, I said to her, "You are doing a lot better than me this morning!", to which she replied that she had to go to work. Yuck. I commisserated and we laughed about the project I shared with her, as the grocer rang up my items.

"$70.75," he said.

Pulling out the cash, I counted it out, only to realize there was only $70. I frantically dug for change - having left my purse/bag in the car - and came up with 15 cents. "Shoot," I said, "I'll have to put something back."

I started looking over my purchases, but before I'd lost two minutes on that, the woman behind me dug in her pockets. The grocer did the same.

"We've got it," they said. "Merry Christmas!"

Now, it's not like it was $20, we are talking about sixty-five cents here. But the thing is, I had that money in the car. I didn't need it, and there are so many out there who probably do.

But I met their eyes and realized, Christmas isn't really about the recipient of the gift, it's about the giving.

"Thanks!", I said. "Merry Christmas to you, too!"

I could have cried, so moved I was by this generous spirit. The lady was getting into her car as I finished unloading the buggy. Looking back at her, I said, "I hope you have the Most Wonderful Christmas Ever."

She grinned. "You too," she called.

I already am.

Sooo, will it REALLY throw off the results, do you think?

2008-12-22T10:05:00.002-05:00

I have a doc's appointment today, one where they are going to search and examine my entire self, in ways that aren't particularly fun. For payback, I haven't shaved my legs. Booyah.

I'm supposed to "fast" today, so that they can get good blood work and such. I am allowed only water and black coffee.

My appointment is at 3pm. What. The. Fuck.

So I drank a diet coke. I mean, come on. It was early - will be completely through my system by the time that it matters. Seriously. SERIOUSLY.

Sistuh is at my house, eating apple jacks or something with Pumpkinhead. I just talked to him on the phone: "I have cereal! With milk on it!" he said. I think they are going to have a really fun day.

Today, I get the joy of doing my annual self-appraisel for my year-end review. I hate, HATE HATE year-end reviews, and I am dreading it. If I do it, though, I won't have to worry about it while I am on vacay, so that's a perk. SUCK SUCK SUCK.

I don't really have much else to tell; Christmas is a-comin', and I've got lots to do for that, so I guess I better go self-assess and move on along...

(wouldn't you know that today, on "fast day", my little Admin-girl brought me a bunch of candy, AND there was godiva on my chair from a vendor? bullshit.)

Internets, I am in a ridiculously good mood. Be warned.

2008-12-19T09:45:00.002-05:00

I'm dancing. Not shitting you, sitting at my desk and dancing to "Final Countdown". Shut up. I wonder if Europe knew that people would eventually deem that song to be the quintessential ring tone, back in 1986 or whatnot.

I was singing, "Queen of Hearts" (you know I like that 'joker is the only foo-oo-ooo-oo-ool' part), loud and proud, but my little Admin girl came back from her meeting and I felt like it was unfair to force her to endure that. Dammit. Maybe I can convince her to leave early. Nanopants just started playing "Take it on the Run" by REO Speedwagon. How can I keep from singing?

Nix that - I just hit forward until I heard the opening strains of "Oh Sherrie". GOD, I love you, Steve Perry. As much as Mike Rowe or Bill Bryson. My heart will go on. I do wish my name were Sherrie, right this second. It's not, though. Dammit.

Anyhoo... so I'm in a ridiculously good mood. I don't know why- maybe it IS because it is Friday and I don't have to work tomorrow, or maybe it's because Sistuh got here last night, or maybe it is because I got free lunch yesterday. Maybe because I am on my second espresso-based drink of the day, or because I was (mostly) able to scrape off the fried chicken that Pumpkinhead apparently ground into my favorite jacket's lapel last Sunday. I dunno. It's all good, though.

I am 100% sure you don't give a shit, but here's my 5-star songs on the Nano:

Lady Marmalade (yes, the newer version, the one with Christina Aguilara. You can bite me, this song is AWESOME when you are feeling a bit intimidated by work. I PROMISE you. Plus, I like singing along with Christina).
Little Rock (by Colin Raye) - while I am not a big country fan, I love love love this song. It might be because I was once connected to an alcoholic, or it might be because I used to live in Little Rock.
I'm Yours (by Jason Mraz) - I defy anybody to be in a bad mood if this song is playing.
Tracks of My Tears (by Linda Ronstadt) - I would argue that this might be the best song of all time.
Adios (by Linda Ronstadt) - I like the Beach Boys singing backup. Plus this song just flat out kicks ass, and is the only song I have ever heard that used the word "grandiose".
Don't Know Much (by Linda Ronstadt) - I like Linda. But also, this song is cool.
Cry (by Mandy Moore) - shut up, again. Mandy can sing, and this is a fun to sing song.
Mission (by Rush) - if you ask me what is my favorite song, this might be it.
Tom Sawyer (by Rush) - quintessential.
Life's A Bitch (by Shooter) - this song is fun-times. "Ricky Lake Show". That's all I'm saying.
This Song Remembers When (Tricia Yearwood) - it'll make you pause, I promise.
Walkaway Joe (Tricia Yearwood) - I don't know if this song resonates with me because I was a stupid idiot teenager who liked them bad boys, but...
Jessie's Girl (Rick Springfield) - I wish I were Jessie's Girl. Well, that rang truer when I was single.
Don't Give Up (Peter Gabriel) - Kate Bush rocks on this song.
Biko (Peter Gabriel) - you know how I feel about Steve Biko. And I still shudder when I hear the gun shot at the end.
How Can I Keep From Singing (Enya) - Makes me feel like flying.
The Saints are Coming (U2/Green Day) - Makes me feel like someday, New Orleans, you know? WILL recover.
Cantcha Say (Boston) - I don't really have anything to say about this, 'cept I loves it some lot.
Far Behind (Candlebox) - I think it's about someone who committed suicide. I just dig on the haunting guitar lick.
In the Light (D.C. Talk) - Badass Christian music. All harmonic and weird and badass.
When You Love a Woman (Journey) - this is on this list because of the way I reacted when this came out, circa 1994. The first Journey song with Steve Perry in about a decade, and I used to tear up when it was on the radio. Plus, there's that one part where he goes "Somewhere you're thinking of me, girrrrrl" and it's SOOOO pre-Nellie.

I would do my 4-stars, but I can't, there are 70+. I love it.

"Suck My Kiss" is playing right now. YAY FRIDAY AND YAY NANOPANTS!

I told you, I'm busy!

2008-12-18T09:57:00.002-05:00

I told you it was a busy week.

Sistuh is coming into town tonight, we are all so stoked. Sistuh better know how much she is loved. Meanwhile, I've been spending every awake-but-not-at-work moment finished craftifications that are Christmas-related, and that's all I am going to say about that, but let me tell you: if you don't live in my house, don't stop by without warning, or there will be no surprises this year.

Beanie is taking his very first high school finals today and tomorrow; last night at 11:00, he was making Husband quiz him on computer terms. Better Husband than me. I think he's nervous (Beanie, not Husband) but I also think he will be fine. Beanie's a smartie.

I taught Junior Achievement yesterday; six hours in the company of 21 awesome 4th graders. They were SO great. Every time I do something like this, I am reminded that I am educated to be a teacher, and I should seriously consider revisiting that career path. Then I realize, later, that I don't really like kids. But, maybe, secretly, I do. Not too sure.

I have meetings today and a big, nice vendor lunch today, so that's all fun. Long Duck is coming to the lunch, too, which is funny because they were asking for me, but they recognize that he has deeper pockets, so they included him as an afterthought. Heh. I'm hankering for a steak, so hopefully, that will be how it plays out.

Our alarm didn't go off this morning, so we all woke up at 7:30. Oops. My hair is "clean" because it is chock-full of baby powder. That is to say, slightly white-looking. Like Mozart.

Anywayz, I've got to go and do all the work I didn't do yesterday, so peace out, ten fo' and over!

Whatevs

2008-12-16T09:40:00.001-05:00

There's a lot going on 'round here, I'm busy, so this might be all you get this week. Sorry for that.

Snoozin' is moving to the other building, thus leaving me and my little Admin girl the only admins in the area. I'm so happy; this dubs me Queen Bee, I'll be the boss of the entire floor now. Yay!

Beanie is experiencing his first round of High School finals this week; mostly he's just stoked that he gets to come home early on Thursday and Friday. What a weirdo.

Sistuh is coming to town on Thursday. I can't wait to see her; the hardest part is going to work when she is here, because all I really want to do is to stay home and play with her. I'm stoked that she gets to stay here a little longer than usual, though, so that's fun.

A few weeks from now, my brood will all load up in the magic bus and head home, to see my folks and siblings, too, and McBasket.

Christmas so totally rawks.

The program at the church was fine. The story was pretty borrrring, but the kids entertained me, and there was a puppy (for real!) on the alter with us. Puppies are awesome. The music was good, I think, but to be honest, I didn't really pay attention to it because I was keeping the kiddos in line. It was fun.

Candy and cookies galore have finally started appearing on my desk at work. I was going to be pretty mad if the vendors didn't come through this year. Hopefully, cheese straws will make at least one appearance.

Speaking of work, I did 11 hours of it yesterday, and I have still got tons and tons to do, so I best go do it. I'm teaching Junior Achievement tomorrow, so I've GOT to clear my desk today. Good times...

Aww, that's cute.

2008-12-14T23:36:00.002-05:00

This afternoon, three boys, let's say, around 9 or 10 years old, rang our bell, toting rakes. "Can we rake your leaves for you?" they asked.

"Mmm, how much?" I replied.

"$3?" They said.

Dude. $3. Even I wouldn't pay someone so little to rake my yard. Not even $3, each.

"Mmm, okay," I said. "Just the front yard, though."

I went inside, but I listened to them work (while I ironed, how weird.). One was clearly the foreman - kept the others from whining too much. Kept them on task, too. But all three of them worked pretty hard.

I brought out some ice water for them; they drank it, which is scary for their mother(s?), but it was the right thing to do.

"Man, look at that Sweet Ride!" I heard one of them say. I knew they were admiring my baby, and I was pleased that they recognized her glorious potential (note: remind me to tell you what my dad said when he saw her at Thanksgiving). I chuckled.

About 45 minutes in, they were pretty beat. Husband had talked to the boys a bit and found out that we were the first "takers", as our neighborhood is pretty blue-collar and we mostly do for ourselves, you know? Ain't got tons of extra cash 'round here, neither. Yes, I totally just wrote that. Shut up.

There were a good many leaves added to (well, near) our burn pile, but there were a lot more piled up on the other side of the driveway. Still, Husband and I took pity on these kids; they weren't very old, and they clearly didn't know what they had gotten into. And I had shrewdly bargained a grand total of $6, so they thought they were working for $2.00/each.

We went outside, to the front step. "You guys pretty beat?" Husband asked.

"Yeah... it's cool, though", the ringleader answered.

"We think you guys have probably done enough," I said, "I think you should be done for the day."

Husband said, "It's a lot more work than it looks like, hunh, guys?"

"Yessir, yessir," they all answered.

"Well, next time, don't settle for $6 - it's worth a lot more than that. Thanks for doing such a good job," we said, handing them $6 - each.

Husband and I watched them trudge away, and he said, "You know, I think they needed to learn that lesson."

"All I know is, that's three more neighbor kids that probably won't egg our house," was my reply.

I miss having kids trying to work to earn a little dough. I hope those boys come back this summer. They can wash the car or pull up weeds or something. I do bet that we will be their first stop going forward.

Now excuse me while I go write "SOFTY" on my forehead in sharpie.

Two Notes

2008-12-12T13:09:00.000-05:00

1) My bloodwork looks good. We still have a few tests to run, but that's all good. No explanation for the manic itch, but I was really stoked that they came back so quickly and made the phone calls.

2) My boss is a big ole dick.

If He DOES get elected Governer, I think we should all call him "Gubna", in that Cockney accent they use in "My Fair Lady". From now on.

2008-12-12T09:27:00.003-05:00

Irony lives on. For the last six weeks, more or less the smell of food would have me running for a "long potty break". All food= enema, basically, and it's been, um... cleansing? Maybe? But, oh, so a tech gives me a cup in which I should defecate, and guess what? I don't need to poop. Ever. Even after eating - not kidding - PIZZA.

Irony. I missed that verse in Alannis's song, the one about "it's not needing to crap, when you have a cup." It is ironic. Don't you think?

I've been so knee-deep in my own drama that I haven't caught you up on much other goings on.

It snowed in Louisiana. My siblings all freaked out, all excited about the closest thing they will ever have to a White Christmas. Losers. They closed down the schools and shut down major thoroughfares. Awesome.

It did NOT snow in Hot-lanta, though it did turn cold, which was kind of bullcrap because it had been so nice.

My boss let it be known that we will not be receiving presents. Damn it.

I'm reading the Christmas program at church, playing the part of a mama on Christmas Eve, and Pumpkinhead will be sitting on my knee, playing the part of a baby on Christmas Eve (and wearing monkey jammies, FYI), and the likelihood that he will sit still and sweet and quiet? Nil. As a matter of fact, I am pretty sure that the entire show will be stolen by a very, very cute toddler saying, "HI YAYA" (Beanie is playing viola in the program), "MOMMY DADDY GRANDMA C FOR [his real name] SANTA GOES HO HO HO DONKEY HEE HAW HEE HAW WANT DOWN NO NIGHT NIGHT NOOOOOOO WANT DOWN COLOR?" Because that is pretty much what he says at Beanie's orchestra concerts, even if I pop a paci (shut up) in his mouth in hopes of quieting him. That kid can TOTALLY talk around a paci. He's going to make one hell of a ventriloquist due to this upbringing.

But, alternatively, this morning? He used the pronoun "I", instead of "my", as in "I will do it", instead of "my do it" and I choked up a little bit. He's growing up, my baby.

In further news, I learned today that Tim McGraw would NOT be running for Governor of Tennesee. Followed by me going, "what?" If I were to hear that a country music singer was going to run for Gob'nr, I would assume Dolly. Shit, I'd potentially move to Tennessee so I could vote for her. I loves me some Dolly.

I was just forced to create a Passive Agressive Sign, and it was painful, instructing my co-workers to use a coffee mug instead of a styrofoam cup. How embarrassing. At first, I did it in Purple and gold, then I realized that that would give it away as being done by me. So I re-did it in blue and gold, then I realized that, it didn't matter, it has my damned name on it, anyway.

All I can say is, I am very very very glad that it is Friday. Fo' Tru.

Byootimus. Poop in a cup!

2008-12-11T12:37:00.004-05:00

For the record, the insides of my boobs are gorgeous. Even that little whitey spot is cute. Stop freaking out, we are pretty sure that it (it's really they) is/are not cancer. We think it is a ligament wrapped around a lymph node. Big whoop. But anyway, Mary Kate and Ashley are in good order, and the mammogram is SUCH a not big deal. The ladies were really nice, too.

I sure do wish I hadn't forgotten my purse at home, though. That was a pain in the ass.

For those I have not told, there is something squirrelly going on, something that has caused my glands to be swollen for a month or so, something that makes my ENTIRE BODY itch like FIRE (not Scabies, Garen, though it was a good thought), and that has caused my appetite to quit, rendering me a nice weight loss of about 15 pounds. That was all related to getting the twins squished, which turned out to be a good move, even though they are all perfect.

So, the next steps are labs... blood work was done this morning, and we are testing for white cell counts and other signs of infection (since the most likely cause is infection, rather than the most unlikely cause, which is Lymphoma, if you really wanted to know) and for kidney function and for liver function and for blood sugar and -oh hai! I get to poop in a cup.

IMAGINE. Can I tell you how much I am bothered by this? The tech, a nice young man, handed me the cup and said, "have you collected a stool sample before?" Um, no, I have not. "So what do I do," says I. "Do I just scoop it out of the potty?"

"No," says he, "you poop right into the cup." Oh. My. God. So I ask him if it has to be refrigerated, because I am in love with the idea of doing this at work and then going into Long Duck's Office and asking him if I can store my feces in his fridge. No, no, no refridgeration necessary, since I also get to bring home three little vials, and those vials will do preservation. I know you are all as relieved as I am.

"Ew! I am NOT touching it," I told the tech.
"Look!" - he opened a vial - "Pooper scoopers!". You have GOT to be kidding me.

After he drew my blood, the tech said, "Don't forget your little present," as he handed me the baggie with the cup and vials.
"I believe, sir," says I, "that this is a present for YOU."

Good lord.

I could be giving YOU this for Christmas. Lucky husband, says me.

2008-12-10T15:07:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow, I get the (insert adjective here) of experiencing, for the first time, a mamogram. Blech. Just writing that sucks. Merry Christmas, everybody! For YOU, I am smooshing up Mary Kate and Ashley and putting them in a box. Perhaps I can convince the radiologist to tie 'em up with a bow. Two for one!

I've heard it is less unpleasant for those that are - ahem - well-endowed. I am so, so that's a bonus.

Why, you may ask, would I undergo such unpleasantries at the paltry age of 33? Well, says I, for one thing - Jesus and I are the same age. So I figure people DO die at 33. I should say, we WERE the same age, as I am not 2008 years old. Neither is he, exactly, but whatever.

For another thing, my mom had breast cancer, oh, three or four years ago. It was one of those "good cancer" things, where she had surgery then a little teensy bit of chemo (enough to make her feel like ass, but she kept her hair) to be double-sure. So there's the whole history thing... my glorious Doctor C. had suggested I start boob-smooshing at 30, but I blew that off for 35, well, until now.

The worst part of this experience is how, when we were scheduling the appointment, the chick told me to not wear any deoderant. Uh. Let's all do a virtual high-five on carrying your "secret clear solid" in your purse-bag so you don't stink all afternoon. You with me? High five.

Anyway, so here's my little pbs after special moment to remind all y'all women-folk (TJ, if you are still there... you can totally close this window now) to poke around in them there parts on a regular basis, and let the doc do his/her thing annually, and, you know, once you are a bit older?

Go get 'em wrapped up like a present.

it's worth it - it saved my mom's life!

Oh. And if I can convince them to give me the images? I am TOTALLY posting pictures of my boobies on here. Nudity galore! I mean, the insides of them, you perves. Because it will be interesting.

Hi, all y'all who got here by googling for porn! Sorry to disappoint!

Brilliant. I'm bragging. So what.

2008-12-09T08:39:00.002-05:00

Okay, so my littlest, the one that is not even two-and-a-half?

He loves the books. For months, now, we take turns reading, where I actually read the story, then he "reads" the story. I realized lately that I need to stop correcting him when he makes stuff up - he has an imagination and it is appropriate for him to use it.

He also likes to color, particularly in his Choo Choo Twain coloring book. With Thomas.

Last night, he's coloring, and he suddenly holds out (with his left hand, as, if I haven't mentioned, it appears that he is a lefty) a purple crayon and says, "Draw C". C is the first letter in the name most people call him. It's "his" letter.

I drew a C. Then he did. !. He drew about seven Cs, then he said, "Draw T. For Thomas". Wha? So I did. So then he did too. We also drew "M" for mommy, "G" for Grandma, "D" for Daddy, and "Y" for Yaya (that's what he calls Beanie).

He's brilliant, my littlest. Well, and the big one is, too. I have gifted boys.

Some a-hole used some of that powder you see in cartoons. Of this I am sure.

2008-12-08T17:18:00.002-05:00

The back of my head itches so freaking much that I have actually started pulling out shafts of hair, trying to Make It Go Away.

If this is just another case of Winter Itch, I'm moving to where there is no winter. I mean, more so than Atlanta. Anybody wanna join me in Haiti?

Furthermore, the hives that have popped up on my arms and that one that covered my entire left foot? SUCK.

And, for the record? It would be awesome if nobody else asked me if I got into poison ivy or if I was bitten by a red ant. Because, see, the answer to both those questions is, "no".

Thank you very much.

Oh - and I had to respond to this here: I would seriously consider eating one flea.

Y'all gonna think I'm crazy... oh wait...

2008-12-08T11:34:00.002-05:00

So I'm all geeked out on the Holocaust right now. I've spent more hours than I care to admit virtually touring Auschwitz and reading survivor stories. Let's say, if you were six years old in 1941, you would be... um... 73? Is that right? Anyway, you would be old. IF you survived. And that, friends, is whack. Did you know that kids lived in the sewers for YEARS with their parents, never seeing daylight???? WHACK. Genocide sucks it.

On another (and completely disparate) note, Beanie ~~illegally~~ (you can't prove it) downloaded the entire 1st Season of "30 Rock" for me, because I figured I would like it (I do) but haven't ever watched it. Since I largely play with the Nanopants (that sounded dirty, but it isn't) when I go to bed (not making it better), Husband is trying to watch some movie with Kevin Costner and I am sniggering. He also thinks I am crazy. But that's fine, too.

My weekend consisted of some colder-than-should-be-legal days spent doing craftifications (OOOOH SOOOO COOL, too!!!) and laundry. It was absolutely perfect. Except where I got a migraine on Saturday and then felt sick because of the Imitrex and the fact that food is just not appealing these days. I've lost 15 pounds, and my entire body itches, but hey! It's all good. We all know I would ingest a tapeworm if I knew where to get one, so booyah to the free weight loss program. Not so much to the itching. And, for the record... don't google the following: "weight loss, loss of appetite, swollen glands, and extreme itching". Lessons learned.

It's nearly noon and I have done Not One Thing today, as we had a looooong and miiiiiserable staff meeting this morning. During which, my phone rang off the hook. First, it was my madre, who never calls during the day, making my heart beat too fast and forcing me to wonder if my dad got in a car wreck or whatever. Nope, just calling to tell me my Aunt Scary has an extra car seat if I want it. Jeesh. The other caller was my frenemy, Snooz, who called out sick for the better part of last week (shocking!) and wasn't here when I went down to the meeting (shocking). She's here now... clearly, she's truly sick, I can hear her hacking and whatever, but... surely that woman is out of PTO by now?? I mean, come on! Right???

Peace out. Go watch you some 30 Rock and feel the luvvvv....

For the record

2008-12-06T18:05:00.002-05:00

We gave:
1. A dancing, singing crrrrrazy doll thingee that was a duck, and when you squeezed his hands, he played "Disco Duck", and he scared all of us.
2. Some crappy book Beanie hated.
3. A foamie craft kit to make a scarecrow, that someone had given Pumpkinhead last year for halloween. When he was one.

and
4. A Barbra Streisand tape.

We got:
1. Feng Shui incense (and it even comes in a pretty box)
2. Men's shave cream (Beanie's, and he was excited)
3. Tea light candles in a pretty holder (please do not reveal if I re-gift this)

and
4. (For Pumpkinhead): A tapestry throw pillow that says (I shit you not) "Gardening Tills the Soul". He was delighted. "My piwwow!" he said. "Night night!"

Night night, indeed.

Now 'scuse me while I go make my kitchen more earth-balanced.

He loves me. "Just Because It's Friday!"

2008-12-05T16:24:00.002-05:00

I love him, too.

Party with the elephants

2008-12-05T08:45:00.003-05:00

Tonight we have the first of potentially a few Christmas Parties. This one is at our church. We are being served spaghetti and chili (?). We signed up to bring two-liters of coke.

My husband and I first kissed on the night of a church Christmas Party. We had planned in advance to go out with some friends, after the party, to get plastered at our local cowboy bar. Which we did. Wherein I kissed him while we danced. And then passed out (yes, at the bar), and he carried me out. Whereafter he stayed at my house (shocking!) to make sure I didn't choke on my own vomit. So he had to stay curled up next to me on the floor of my bathroom. Isn't that romantic?

I married him largely because of that night.

Anyway, so tonight is a white-elephant party, and it's really and truly white-elephant. I am supposed to really-and-truly donate some crappy thing that I've had at my house and that I want to get rid of. The problems are many:
1) Sometimes things that I think are crappy, my Husband thinks are beautiful. Yay. Shiny paintings and the like. Or posters of horses. I am not a fan of posters.
2) Sometimes things that my Husband thinks are crappy, I think are beautiful. Yay. Moon-shaped candle holders. Giraffes. I am a fan of giraffes.
3) We throw stuff away. Seriously, we do. And if the white elephant gift cannot include a full-sized but broken baby crib or a 3/4 complete set of women's golf clubs in a bright blue bag, circa 1982, we don't have a lot to pick from.
4) We have to do children's gifts too. I for one will NOT be giving some crappy white elephant gift to some child. Our childrens' gifts will consist of random crap that is either too small (clothes) or just not played with toys of my children. I would like to suggest the weird "disco duck" toy that the weird neighbor kid gave to the baby on his first birthday. Or the tee-shirt that Beanie got from my mom's Thai maid that features little vignettes of pigs on a camo background, and has the phrase "best friends" all over it. It's the weirdest shirt I have ever seen.

I'm open to suggestions, for those of you that have been to my home or know the sorts of things I own. I was looking for my old Yoko Ono tape - yes, I have one of these, has been very helpful in Scavenger Hunts - as I think that would be appropriate.

I don't really like either spaghetti (that's not true, I just only like my own spaghetti or my mom's or my mil's) or chili, so that sort of sucks it. I'm TOTALLY drinking a glass of wine before we go. Last night I had a glass of wine and I was woozy drunk and it was fabulous. So that's the way I'd like to present at tonight's party. Good times.

Grateful, the fourth

2008-12-04T17:20:00.002-05:00

1. Mexico.
2. The Who (I know, who'd a thunk?)
3. Sweet little admins who have learned to read my mind.
4. clicky highlighers
5. the sound my adding machine makes when I am doing the mathy things.

Happy Butday, Tyra!

2008-12-04T09:02:00.002-05:00

Today Tyra Banks turns 35. I don't know what to do with this information; I figured she was at least as old as my brother, but I was wrong. She's barely older than me. Bitch. Still, don't get me wrong, I love her (and, yes, I love Britney Spears, too, shoot me now).

LDD is in Mexico right now... he arrived yesterday afternoon and promptly started text messaging me. He had me call Mexico, and Beanie and Ginger were there, watching me sweat while I said, "Hola! Laurrra (G), please? Por Favor?" I survived it, though. LDD texted me something else, calling me "Senorita". I responded with, "That's Senora to you"... I hate to admit it, but I'm really starting to like my boss. Shit.

Last night, I stayed up waaaaay past my bedtime, and I am pissed off at myself because instead of using that time wisely and crafticating, I played endless hours of Scramble. Damned Facebook.

All right, off to the trenches...

Happy Butday.

2008-12-03T08:43:00.002-05:00

Last night, my son the younger noticed that there is a changing table in his room, a table which is covered in dozens of stuffed animals.

"Giraffe!" says he.
"Yes," says I.
"Giraffe's Butday!" says he.
"What? Oh, he's wearing a birthday hat, isn't he?" says I.
"Happy Butday to Giraffe, Happy Butday to Giraffe, Happy Butday... Pooh? Pooh has butday too?" says he.
"Sure!" says I.
"Happy Butday to Pooh, Happy Butday to Pooh, Happy Butday... puppy's butday?" says he.
"Sure!" says I.

And so on. We sang butday songs to every animal in his room last night. It was a very good night.

Today I rule the world

2008-12-02T09:38:00.002-05:00

This morning, I didn't feel like showering, and I bathed last night so it is all good, but my hair was being all crazy. So I put it up in one of those clippy thingees, like we all used to wear in the 90s. Also, my pants are too long and my shirt is A-line, and in the mirrored elevator, I realized that I look like a kid playing dress up. Well done, says I. And no stripey socks were clean, so I am sock-free.

But it's all good. I have solved economic crises, I have succesfully gotten a teenager to turn her angst to God, and I have hand-delivered an 8 port hub (without a noisy fan!), a power cord, and a miniature coke-zero to the boss people. Boo. Yah.

This week is a good one; today there is this all-day meeting... tomorrow, His Majesty King Dong gets on a plane for Mexico City, where he will remain until late Friday afternoon. Boo. Yah. Again.

Interngirl gets to come back to work here again over the Christmas holiday. I'm stoked, I like Interngirl a LOT.

Through His Majesty's (open, because I left it so) office door, I can see through the enormous picture winter to outside, where there is sunshine and leaves and such, and it's nice. I'm happy. I don't even care what else happens today... there is sunshine and leaves. I can see Alaska, I think!

Grateful, The Third

2008-12-01T09:58:00.003-05:00

1. I have a job. I may not LOVE it, but I don't HATE it, either, and that's something. AND I walked in and found that every person that is a Gawgia fan had their cube decorated with gold and blue/black streamers, courtesy of a Gawgia Tech fan. Nice. Since LSU decided to not even show up this weekend, this all makes me feel a teensy bit betterer.

2. Pure, unadulterated Coca-Cola. I've spent a long weekend in the company of my mother, a woman who could stand a few thousand calories more per day, but a woman who would NOT let a sugar-based soft drink cross her lips. A woman who used to be a Tab addict, for Pete's sake. So diet coke abounds at my house, including two more 12-packs that I haven't even started on yet. Sigh...

3. Stripey socks. I'm wearing them with gray pants and pinkish-reddish turtleneck sweater, and I feel adorable. Even though I am also wearing my glasses because I had the same pair of contacts in for the last three months and my eyes just need a break.

4. WalMart. I was really mad at "my" Wal Mart because they stopped selling fabric and that pissed me off, but the old, nasty Wal Mart had a shit load of fabric and this? This makes me happy.

5. Advent. I like Advent. I like the lighting of the candles, I like Christmas hymns and music and, oh yeah, I like it that I don't have a holiday season filled with choir practices this year. They are guilting me pretty hard, and I did agree to read in the program, but I am delightfully unencumbered with a large practice schedule, for which I am grateful.

got nothing

2008-11-30T15:31:00.001-05:00

I am crafticating with Janie today. My parents went home this morning, and I'm very sad about that; it's weird how I dread having them come... then I enjoy them when they are here... then I miss them when they leave. You'd think they were, like, my parents or something.

That's all I've got. I'll be back at work tomorrow, and we will have more things to make fun of. Until then, think happy thoughts of pecan turtles and beef jerky. Shut up. Both are delicious.

Peace out!

Does Triptophan last multiple days?

2008-11-29T14:47:00.003-05:00

I'm sleepy.

Some weird side-effect of my parents' visit is that I have been waking up at 7am. That's crazy talk. Good thing we have coffee.

Husband learned how to make a pecan pie (I say "buh-cahn"... he says "pee-cahn"), and it gets rave reviews. He was already the King of the Pumpkin Pie.

There's not much going one; my dad and Beanie went to the movies to see the new James Bond flick; my mom is snoozing or reading upstairs; the baby and his daddy are napping in my bed. I have the whole bottom two levels of the house to myself, and it is glorious.

Still, it's been a fun trip. My mother has only once requested that I clean my room (I shot her a look and she backed off), and has declared the baby spoiled (because I let him hook his own car seat. WTF?), but he has charmed the living shit out of everybody so it's fine.

I want a pet tiger. Can they be house broken?

My fridge is full of leftovers, something we typically hate. I have officially made my first Thanksgiving supper, turkey to dressing to everything in between. It wasn't hard; that is either because my mother cooked almost everything while I peeled carrots and celery and crap, or else, it's because it's really not that fuckin' hard to cook, it just takes a long time.

Menawhile, it is rainy and chilly and gross outside, and I do declare that it is very likely that I am going to sleep. So nigh' nigh'.

One more thing - remember Loose Lips, at work? The one with the Holy Bears? She was one of the ones laid off... and her daughter died relatively unexpectedly today. So say a little prayer for her, okay?

Grateful. The Second.

2008-11-28T11:52:00.001-05:00

1. Adam Sandler movies.
2. Turkey.
3. Little boys in stripey shirts.
4. Big boys in stripey shirts.
5. Toothpaste.

AGCHGHGHGHGHG!

2008-11-27T20:05:00.001-05:00

They're here. Gotta go. I did post, though.

Grateful. The first.

2008-11-26T11:32:00.002-05:00

Schmutzie encouraged folks to post a list of five things for which they are grateful; not necessarily daily, but regularly. I decided to play along.

1. Yeast infection medication. Shut up.
2. Furry, striped purple-and-white socks.
3. My sewing machine, Betsy.
4. Caramel apples (with peanuts) at town fairs.
5. Nanopants.

Ooh, that wasn't very hard at all. Game on, mo fo's. You try it.

Great Gawd A'Mighty

2008-11-26T10:26:00.002-05:00

I am "working" from home... have begun load #2 of laundry, and am watching some kind of show on the travel channel about cheese steak. Good stuff. And I'm hungry.

Last night, Beanie and I went to the gooshy store, just the two of us. It was so fun. He's such a cool guy. I told him a ridiculously inappropriate joke my brother had sent me (too inappropriate for this place, if you can imagine), one that was so foul I should never have told my child, and we both giggled and chest-bumped.

Okay, we didn't chest-bump, but I did have to stop for a second and recognize that he is a darling person, a wonderful, wonderful human being, and among the top three lights of my life.

It's killing me that this child is about to turn 15... he will have his learner's permit in two months. Soon, he'll go about his business without me, and I'm going to miss him a lot. But I think I've done right by that child. He's a doll face. AND a turd face.

My beautiful boy

2008-11-25T19:55:00.002-05:00

I shamelessy stole this pic from Beanie's Face Book page. What a beautiful picture. What a beautiful boy.

I'm afraid of commies and Dolph Lundgren

2008-11-25T09:07:00.003-05:00

You may or may not know that I have seen all five of the *original* Rocky pictures.

There, I've said it.

You may or may not know that I have seen all five of the *original* Rocky pictures multiple times. Like, seven or eight, each. Except the first one, which I have seen at least 15 times. Sue me.

I have run up the steps in Philly.

But I want to talk to you all about Rocky IV, and here's why. Dolph Lundgren.

In 1985, I was 10. And very impressionable. I believed, courtesy of Rocky IV, that all Russians were giants and very frightening. Look, Mrs. Drago was no beauty, if you catch my drift.

Dolph. I am pretty certain that I figured that was short for Dolphin. Now, I'm thinking... maybe "Adolph"? Course, a quick Wikipedia read confuses things; his real name is Hans. He's not even Russian. Dammit.

Right now, I have the Survivor Song that plays while Rocky himself is training in Siberia going through my head (In a Burning Heart... ). If you have seen the movie, you might now, too. You're welcome.

In 1984, Reagan was president, Russia was the enemy, and Libya sucked. The commies were out there, had their finger poised above that red button, and the world waited with held breath for the voice of Joshua to say, "shall we play a game"? And it is all the fault of Dolph Lundgren.

Hell Week.

2008-11-24T10:29:00.002-05:00

In college, Hell Week meant the last week of pledgdom, before you became an initiate.

In theatre, Hell Week is the week before a performance, a week when you practice nearly 24/7 to iron out the bugs.

In my life, Hell Week is this week, and I sort of have done this to myself, but ohmyfuckingGod, there is so much going on.

This morning, Long Duck has a Big Important Meeting with Big Imporant Customers (internal), and I had to go running all over the big blue world to make sure that everything was perfecty perfect for the Big Important Meeting. THEN, some chick who was supposed to meet with him at 10:00 on Friday shows up to meet with him at 10:00 today, a time when he has other meetings going on...

He'll be locked away in the meeting from 11-1, then we have our 1:1. Let me just say I hope the meeting goes very well.

That's today; tomorrow we have more of similar, then Wednesday, we have nothing at all.

At home, I am down to about 7 remaining loads of laundry (shut up, this is miraculous) and I need to do some cleanin' before my mom and dad come in on Thursday. Beanie volunteered to do some of the housework, requesting payment in the form of Red Vines. I'm all over that.

We spent hours de-leaf-ing our yard yesterday, which resulted in hours of bonfires, but it is done. Thank God.

Agh, I cannot focus. Must return to the work madness. Should also smoke soon! The hell with it all.

My questions about kid's programming

2008-11-23T17:19:00.002-05:00

We don't watch a lot of kid shows. I am a firm believer that two year olds do not need "regular viewing time", and so, hence, there's not a TON of kid's shows that I have to watch. Thanks be to Jehovah, or Jah, if you are paying attention.

That being said, my kid (yes, the little one) will point at the tee-vee and request that we watch Jeopardy. That's a boy after my own heart.

Still, we also have that stupid On Demand feature, that allows us to pull up childrens' programming all the time, at our leisure, not being slave to the guide. Bless it.

So he will occasionally specifically request Choo Choo Twains or Bobda Builder.

Here are some questions/musings that I have thought of recently:

1) If we are watching something all educational, something where we learn colors or numbers or letters, and we are watching it together, does this give me the right to be all holier-than-thou when talking to my friends whose children just watch regular cartoons?

2) What exactly is the relationship between Bobda Builder and Wendy? Because Husband pointed out that they sleep in separate trailers, but they are definitely on each others' speed dials. However, Wendy seems rather like, as Husband pointed out, a woman who likes women. Even if she does wear earrings. Poor Bobda.

3) I could watch Little Einsteins even if I wasn't in the company of a child. I just love the crap outta that cartoon.

4) I still hate Barney, but I have realized recently that I kind of like the songs. Sometimes. And mostly because Pumpkinhead will usually sing along.

5) When Husband is making fun of Sir Toppem Hat, and he says, "Bother!" all British and stuffy, I love it. LOVE IT. It's the only thing that makes me not need drugs to stand another episode of Choo Choo Twains. Also, I like it when the trains swear: "Dirt and Smoke!," they'll say. I'm totally trying to wean into cussing in train.

6) Sesame Street is still my favorite, even if they can all see Snuffy. I especially like it when a vignette that was running in my childhood is dusted off an playing. For example, the pinball game that goes 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10---11-12. If you don't know what I'm talking about, I'll sing it for you, just let me know.

7) My sweet little McBasket likes a show called Ruby and somebody, something that I can't remember, so I guess I'll refer to it as Max and Kakoo. I tried to watch this once, but it was a straight-up cartoon and I just didn't have the patience.

8) Mostly I just want all the non-Henson puppets to shut their yaps.

9) A friend of mine (not naming names, Mommy's Nintendo) used to have a crush on the original guy on Blue's Clues. I believe his name was Steve. What's the new guy's name? Is he supposed to be the same guy, or did they acknowledge the different actor? How did Blue feel about getting a new owner? Or did they do a Bewitched and have a brand new dood with the same name? Because he does look the same, though maybe that's just the shirt.

Anyway, so that's all.

De-tree

2008-11-22T14:37:00.002-05:00

I have a big tree in my backyard, an Oak, actually, that has been there for much longer than I or my parents or whatnot. It's big.

It's coming down today; it got twisted off at the top and It's too close to both car and house for it to be allowed to fall on it's own. Husband and his friend A. are out there making it gone.

The bad side is, there won't be shade on the back half of the house any more.

The good sides are many:
1) fewer gd birds around the house
2) squirrels will have to find an alternate route into my attic
3) squirrels will also no longer be able to throw acorns on our heads while we sit outside
4) will be able to suntan on the back deck (see, lack of shade!)
5) I don't have to worry it will fall on the house in the next big wind.

It's sort of sad to kill this old beauty, though. I know it is the right thing to do; where it was twisted off is a huge, gaping rot-hole right down into its trunk. I don't know if it is already rotten, but it is well on its way to being so. And this way, lots of our friends get free firewood.

Everyone wins.

In the meantime, Pumpkinhead and I are playing, coloring, and wearing our jammies. It's too danged cold to want to do anything else. Except nap, of course... that's happening soon.

Good stuff.